Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What To Do With a Problem Like Anonymous

I was going to let this slide because what should not be rewarded is bad behavior....contrary to the belief of many Girls Behaving Badly producers. But it was so sadly hysterical that I have to share. I want everyone else to feel the love, too....or the serious lack thereof. I got this from an Anonymous Commenter on The Death of Champagne Fridays:

Wow. It takes a really "special" kind of person to twist her husband's job loss into something that's all about her...Why is it YOU got drunk and angry instead of supportive and comforting? Can't you get a job for awhile?
(I put it in poopy brown....hehehehe...yes, I'm 12. Thanks for noticing).

So, I feel like I have just completed the final stage of being a 100 blogger (Thanks, Jessalyn). I've gained followers, lost followers, published guest posts, and now received a ridiculously negative anonymous comment. I will not waste my time or yours on all 48236792 reasons why this comment is absurd. If the reader even bothered to scan back past March 19th, he/she/ChickenLittle would see that I support Neal 150% everyday. And that is evident. Or it should be. If it's not, I seriously doubt it is anyone's responsibility to judge me on that. My day will come, don't you worry.

I've written, deleted, re-written, deleted and finally written again the next part because what spilled forth originally was vomit of the ego. My first reaction was to be mad...then hurt...then misunderstood (like Van Gogh). So, I left this to sit in the queue for an hour while I went to run my 4 miles and think about what I really wanted to say. And what I decided is that as I get older, I'm learning an important lesson...you never know where the other person is coming from. Don't judge because you never know the path they've walked. Was I judged too quickly? I think so. Everyone who reads me regularly knows 2 things:
1. I can be a bit of a drama queen
2. I truly believe Karma catches up
Well...3...I am not the only one drinking champagne at Chez Miller on Champagne Fridays.

But what I will not do is fight this firestorm with a blowtorch. I will not put negative back out into a world that is already drowning in it (yes haters, I'm talking to you). And I won't judge Anonymous because maybe it's a guy whose wife left him when he lost his job and now all he has is his dog, his fridge of deer meat and the Internet. Or maybe it's a she who has never been supported by her husband, regardless of her career choices. Maybe it's Neal's former employer. Or maybe it's Neal. All I know is that even if Anonymous had a face and a name and a Facebook profile, I still couldn't judge because not everyone puts their life on the chopping block like I do. I'm bound to get cut from time to time. I do feel some kind of unjustified need to clear the record about how we do things around this house.

1. I will support Neal in whatever he decides to do.

Want to take an active tour of duty in Antarctica?
Let me just put the house on the market real quick.

Weighing the options between Cosmotology and Massage Therapy School?
I've got my pro/con table already drawn out.

Deciding to take an early retirement and see the world through the windshield of an RV?
I'll call the dealership and tell them we're on our way.

I know that he will not choose any of these and he will take the most logical path...and get hired in about 9 seconds because he rocks tech socks. I'm just sayin'...I'll be there for you...always have been, always will be. I mean, you put me through massage school and then watched me pack up all of my massage supplies last weekend. I figure I owe you...

2. We are one of those obnoxious couples who is only completely happy when the other is happy. I've been edgy ever since Neal gave up, mentally, on making a difference at his job. Before I opened the business, Neal was always suggesting things for me to try....anything to make the crying after work and on Sunday nights stop. If he wants to go RV'ing, we'll be poor, but we'll be happy. Likewise, Neal does not want me to give up the business. He knows I'm all stupidglowy when I make and sell stuff. Why would he want me to give that up just to get a steady paycheck? Yeah, he wouldn't. Plus, someday the business will draw a steady paycheck. So, we have an understanding....I will see the continental U.S. from the passenger seat and he will let me keep Daisy & Elm.

3. The wine club membership was his idea, I merely agreed. Although I was not all that hesitant about it. And I lay in the tanning bed for relaxation purposes. I am literally slathered, head-to-toe, in Baby Sunscreen. I'm still pasty white...just like a Kentucky girl should be in March. But as I said before, I will easily give them up and take up something that does not involve cooking from the inside, out.

4. Neal and I have been through much worse than him losing a job and still came out holding hands and telling dirty jokes until we laughed. It will be fine like frog's hair and once I got past the mad (I call it sympathy anger because he was also less than pleased), I realized that he had been unhappy for quite some time and that couldn't last much longer.

And now I've just spent 1000 words justifying a blog post to an Anonymous commenter. LAME. Sorry guys, but the secret is out...I am not Chelsea Handler/Surferwife-tough. I am a hot mess of hormonal hominy that does not appreciate outright judgmental comments. Have something helpful to say? Go for it...even if it makes me squirm on my stability ball, I want to hear it. But please don't come in here and spray your nasty on my walls. I just cleaned them.

28 comments:

  1. Ughhhh. Why the hell do people have nothing better to do with their lives then leave bitchy comments on other people's blogs. At least we both know now that we have attained super blogger status with our hate mail.

    I think writing a post to air it out is totally justified and I hope the jerk that did this will come back and read it. I also hope that they read all the support that you are going to get from your friends here.

    It's so sad when someone doesn't have the balls to come out and speak their mind using their real name. If they really believe what they are saying, why hide? What a chickenshit.

    I <3 yew.

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  2. Loved that you replied to Anon.
    You set the facts straight, and even though you owe no explanation to anybody, this is your blog, and you might as well say out loud what you want to.

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  3. Dude... SERIOUSLY? What a turd. On the one hand I think: okay, it's plainly obvious that they haven't been around here enough to see that you DO support Neal. Like 150%. But on the other hand, I'm like: how could they not know that? Because I actually feel like that support is evident in all of your posts. Hmmmm. Who knows?? But enough about that anon character. We don't want anyone around here that's not going to show their face anyway.

    Love ya sister!

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  4. You know whats so funny about this? I also dealt with the anonymous commentor issue on a post that also dealt with some touchy stuff and the commentor ended up getting slammed by my fave, Speaking From the Crib, gotta love that woman. And then low and behold, who did douchy-anonymous turn out to be . . .thats right, my hubs. He thought he was being funny. Of course, I'm not saying this is the case here. But no matter how you slice it the one thing all anonymous commentors have in common, the douche factor. You hear me anonymous! Its douchy to be anonymous, grow a pair! Loves to you Allyson!

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  5. You crack me up - even when you're being all serious and such. You know, you never actually make it to the big time in blogging till you get hateful/hurtful comments. So congrats - and welcome to the big time!

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  6. you are super woman. That is so ultra sweet of you to not throw stones, because it's true, everybody's got a story.

    If that was me, HOWEVER, I would've probably asked someone to somehow hack into comments and find out the IP (or whatever) address of this person and I may MAY go and tell them what I think of them. With my fists and a champagne bottle.

    I'm still waiting for a hate commenter because I would be in my glory. I already have a post waiting for it. I'm that lame. Listen to Dixie chicks and think "blogging" and you'd get the drift.

    I FOUGHT WITH A STRANGER AND I MET MYSELF. I OPENED MY MOUTH AND I HEARD MYSELF. IT CAN GET PRETTY LONELY WHEN YOU SHOW YOURSELF, I GUESS I COULD'VE MADE IT EASIER ON MYSELF. BUTT IIIIIIII I COULD NEVER FOLLLOW. im done. for real.

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  7. Dude - if you're going to post a bitchy comment being negative about someone else's actions the least you can do is post your name. How dare you criticize someone else when you can't even have the balls to tell us who you are? Yeah, that's called being LAMESPICE.

    I think after the guest post you did for my blog we all know exactly how you feel about your hubs and how supportive you both are of each other. I think anyone who would look down on you obviously has some own issues in their own life.

    The rest of us think you're totally awesome! So screw the lame anonymous commenter =-)

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  8. Way to take the high road.

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  9. I just read that back and it maybe comes off a little sarcastic. I mean it, good for you. There's no reason to put hate back out there just because someone's acting like an a-hole. Just makes your own life harder.

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  10. I'm very proud of you for not judging. If you don't mind, though, I'm going to judge a bit. My judgement is that Anonymous sucks. It's really easy to make nasty comments and such when no one knows who you are. If you are going to be all tough enough to be mean, then you should have the guts to post your identity. Kudos to you, Ally, for being the bigger person...but I am not and to you, Anonymous, I say that you are a big, sucky, cowardly loser.

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  11. I hate when people disappoint and am a big believer in karma as well. I love the approach you took though. I tend to ignore and you went head on. Most people aren't lucky enough to have the supportive relationship like you and the hubs, so maybe anonymous just lives in Bitterville?

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  12. I'm glad you rewrote it because I hear ego vomit is hard to wash out.

    And you know what? I didn't see a single thing wrong with that blog you wrote. To me it said, "we're cutting corners so we can make it". What about that post was focused on you?

    It's a dramatic time and you are allowed to be dramatic. If Neal was able to add his two cents, he'd probably be angry about it too. Everybody vents and obviously this person hasn't read too far into your archives to see that this type of post isn't the norm.

    Putting an anonymous comment is a cowardly way to get your point across and unnecessary. I have thought about disabling anonymous comments completely. But think of the positive -- you're a "real blogger" now!

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  13. Alright. I am ready to bang some heads together. Who comes into your bloghome and tells you that bullshit. Pardon my French.

    It just ticks me off that people do that. Do they feel good knowing that they made the writer uncomfortable? Bastards.

    Can you believe I haven't gotten a hateful anon yet? my time is coming. I can hear the tick tock now...

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  14. Well, if you won't slam Anon, then all the rest of us will gladly do it for you. It (I am using the neutral pronoun on purpose!) obviously hasn't read your blog at all, or it would know that you are completely devoted to and supportive of all Neal does and in no way did you make it all about you. You guys are a team and when your guy hurts, you hurt. And, we all know that getting laid off (riffed, fired - it's all the same if you are on the receiving end) hurts like hell!

    So, you keep hanging in there girl. Those who are way more experienced than I say that getting flamed by Anon makes you a "real" blogger, so let's turn this into a success. i will buy the champagne! Hugs and love!

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  15. Ally, all I want to do right now is a nice slow clap for you. This was a fantastically written post and shows the amount of class that you have, which is mountainous. Congratulations on ruffling feathers though. It's always fun to get some blood pumping. Obviously whatever Anonymous is does not include "Regular Reader of M&M" because you love your hubs and everyone here knows it.

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  16. Don't get TOO Van Gogh-ish on us...wouldn't want you to lose an ear. And don't sweat the small stuff. Anonymous no doubt is a man with a teeny, tiny, well, you know...

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  17. Dude, I hate when I get anonymous commenters, it's the worst.

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  18. Oh man, you totally busted me. KIDDING!! It also takes a "special kind of person" to leave an anonymous comment like that. Lameballs.

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  19. Do not worry about what this unknown person thinks of you. Geez. I was pretty sure that your post was NOT all about you. But you know what? Even if it had been, so what? IT'S YOUR BLOG! You get to talk about YOUR feelings. Period.

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  20. Frog's Hair??? Very funny! Sorry about the icky comment!

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  21. yeah the anon thing irks me. like, if you have an opinion that you think is valid- put your name behind it. if you are too afraid to put your name on it, then clearly you don't really think it is a justified opinion.

    also, you are so 100. for reals yo.

    AND. 4 miles in one hour. i hate you. really, i love you. but i am jealous. i did three miles in like an hour and 15 minutes the other day and came close to death. i think it took so long because i was trying to run away from the light.

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  22. It's no one's right to judge you. Who the hell does he/she/it think they are?!

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  23. I love this post. Let me say that again, I LOVE THIS POST. Best one I've read over here.

    Kelly

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  24. You're a classy lady.

    And can I just say that anyone who writes a nasty comment ANONYMOUSLY has no stones.

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  25. A,

    Plain and simple...YOU ROCK...and though I've only met Neal like 3 times, he rocks too...the 2 of you together...well, you're nothing short of AUsome (like my AU plug there?)...

    Anyways, from being a yahoo news freak (that is to me what CNN is to you), I've learned that some people have NOTHING nice to say. Who knows why but they're just not happy unless they're putting someone else down. Hold your head high and don't think about this person for 1 second more...

    Love ya'!

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  26. First of all, hugs. Tons of 'em.

    Secondly, do not allow anonymous comments hun!!!! If someone wants to say something on my blog, they have to own their words. I don't even care if I agree with the poster, but they have TO OWN them.

    Thirdly, shit happens. To everyone. No one gets a free ride. And yes, karma bites in the ass with razor sharp teeth and the tenacity of a terrier.

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  27. Definitely a douche and a turd. But you're not alone---we have your back. And it's happened to all of us at once time or another.

    And I totally believe in Karma. Just sit back, smile, and wait!

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  28. I think annon. comments are a great character building tool - they put hair on your chest. Yeah... it doesn't matter how many times you say that it's never comforting.

    However THIS COMMENT: And I won't judge Anonymous because maybe it's a guy whose wife left him when he lost his job and now all he has is his dog, his fridge of deer meat and the Internet.

    Seriously made me spit water out of my mouth laughing!

    You took the high road girl and did a great job of explaining yourself. The explanation may not have been needed for that person but I bet it felt good to get it all out and that's what blogging is all about.

    Don't worry about the haters - we love you! ox

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That's it, let it all out....