Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Luck of the Irish

And this is how I feel my luck is going right now...specifically regarding cars and electronics.

I would just like to say that I am a Virgo...this means that everything in my house is color-coded, alphabetized, and cross-referenced...with an index card explaining said cross-referencing. Even if everything does have a fine layer of cat hair on it, it's still organized, dammit. We don't even have a junk drawer...even the junk drawers have separators. But either I am too organized or I had a temporary moment of insanity because I've misplaced 2 coupons for free oil changes at our friendly neighborhood tire store. We have spent a lot of money there. And by "a lot"...I mean A LOT. Colonel Ketchup and his old man neediness has just about purchased us our very own wing of the tire store. So, I'm sure I could call up those friendly tire guys and explain the dilemma. But now it just comes down to the principle of the thing. I know I had 2 coupons left in an envelope from the store. Where the hells is it?? Adding to the madness is the fact that I'm in full-fledged CD-copying mode right now. We own about 450 CDs (thanks a freakin' lot, Columbia House and BMG. You really know how to hit up a 16-year old with 10 cents, don't ya? Now I own The Best of Ace of Base, the soundtrack to The Lion King, and John Denver's Greatest Hits) so I'm burning what I want and donating them to the library. I think once this epic task is finished, I will feel about 439 LBs lighter. It's the gettin' there that sucks. So, picture my office with piles: CDs to be burned, CDs that are burned but not cataloged, CDs that are burned and cataloged and ready to the receipts from last week's buying spree that must be entered into the budget app and 2 weeks' worth of mail and you've just gotten a good glimpse of my personal hell.

Then you've got the fact that we own a Prius. That used to mean that we wanted to hug a tree and make all of my tampons out of seaweed. Now it means that we would like to die, careening at high speeds down I-64 until we come to rest under a semi for Wal-Mart. Because it's a 2009 and has only been recalled for floor mats, they won't do anything to it until the software issues in the other models have been fixed. But it still needs oil changes. At the dealership. Where 184999938 other people are also having their Toyotas maintained. An oil change used to take 45 minutes. I was there for 3 hours yesterday. I finished my book for the book club meeting last's 482 pages and when I got there, I was on page 250. I'm no speedreader, kids. They did keep offering me free pork BBQ sandwiches (no thanks, I don't eat meat from a car dealership) and unlimited coffee (have you met me? No caffeine after 2PM or I'm pacing the yard until dawn the next day) and bags of Dorito's (I prefer my breath not to smell like sick baby diaper, thanks). And now there's an issue with the auxillary port, so I'm driving a loaner...a 2010 Corolla...which is fine, but when he gave it to me, he held the keys out all here kitty, kitty like and said "I'm really sorry. I had to give you a car with 300 miles on it. Hope you don't mind." Hardy, har, har. You're not giving me a LandRover or a Lexus, buddy...don't expect me to do backflips over a Corolla. Also? Colonel Ketchup has like 275,000 miles (it's now impossible to keep track of accurately, however, since the odometer quit working on Father's Day of 2008). I'm not a milesgirl. I'm a speedgirl. Give me a cobalt blue Mustang, and then we'll talk. Still waiting on that phone call to get the DeathTrap back.

Add to this the fact that Neal, AKA Mr. Electronics Gadgets, has had to return something not once, but twice this he tries to hardwire the network in our house and rig our TV with an HD antenna. How nice it would be to not give money to the cable company every month. That's what we're working toward. It's a process, though.

So, since neither of us are Irish...Neal's half fullblood English and I'm a mut of European proportions (none of which involve being Irish), perhaps we should not expect the rainbow to end at our house. But I'll keep looking for that pot o' gold, which will give me 2 more free oil changes. And we shall celebrate with green liquids. Last year it was this:

That's right...if you add 2 drops of green food coloring to a glass of get green Chardonnay. We have a box (quit judging me...5 liters for $14. Mama didn't raise no fool) of Chablis in the fridge right now...another excellent white wine. So, perhaps this again? Or maybe something more daring.

Also...I lost a follower. *sad face* This is the first time. Rejection is a bitch. But it's a party at Magnolias and Mimosas and maybe they just couldn't hang.


  1. Oooo I like the green wine idea. Something about green beer never quite sat right with me. Ok really it's something about green liquids in general, but I think I could handle wine a little bit better.

    Good luck with your death trap oil change. My car is way overdue for one also, but it has to wait until I get paid on Friday.

    I cannot believe you lost a follower, but that's part of the reason I like WordPress. I think I would obsess too much over how many people followed my blog otherwise. :)

    Happy St. Patty's, pretty! (hug) Oh and I'm not Irish at all either and neither is Mike. I'll be celebrating by drinking a regular beer and watching America's Next Top Model.

  2. Doesn't the green wine stain your lips/tongue?

    Best line I've seen in awhile? "I don't eat meat from a car dealership".

    Love you.

  3. Ha! And I don't eat cheese that is sitting on the counter next to the cash register at the corner gas station! (Sorry that just popped into my head and it's true.) Never would have thought to put the green in the Chardonnay...I love this idea and will give it a try. I have to switch to white wine from my beloved red because of the new braces...don't want to stain them. Hmm, not sure green teeth are much better than purple though. And as for you lost follower....she definitely couldn't hang.
    Happy St. Patty's Day!

  4. i lose followers all the time. i think they're tired of my crap, maybe. i don't know. i can't be sure.

    i always put those damn coupons in a "safe" place and then i can never find them. i'm a scorpio and i think i would give you a run for your money - my closet is color-coded; my shoe boxes all have a label on them with a photo of the shoe it contains, the brand, and the style name; my DVDs are alphabetized, obviously; and my socks are stacked in lines in my sock drawer. OMG, how am i ever going to get anyone to marry me. i'm batshit crazy.

    oh, and i just got my oil changed yesterday. the car mechanic man told me i was like 3,000 miles overdue or something. pssshhhh.

  5. I just lost a follower too! Bitches.

    But then again, I also recently de-followed a few crap blogs.

    I feel your pain. I am an organizational freak. And it has definitely filled 85% of my living years with alphabetizing or generally re-arranging everything I own 924 times. And my coupon organization skills have also gone to crap when in a blurr I became over-organized, couldn't maintain it and had to backslide to a pile the size of my head and no idea where anything is. Are we long lost relatives or something?

  6. have a lot going on.

    J is a Virgo, but he's a disorganized mess. Maybe he's not familiar with the rules. I'm going to have to tell him he's supposed to be more organized.

    I see your Ace of Base and raise you a Color Me Badd. I, too, was a victim of Columbia House. J and I did the cd conversion when we moved into the house, but he refuses to donate the cds. They are packed away in the back of a closet somewhere.

    Please be careful driving your car. Supposedly, your year is safe, but if anything happens, throw the car into neutral and try to turn off the ignition. That will slow you down and help you stop without the help of a semi or a brick wall.

    Enjoy your wine and your wearing your St. Patty's Day necklace.

  7. So... I'm 1/4 Irish, but I don't think you want my luck. It's not great. I'm only 25% lucky after all and sometimes I even question that. If my situation was 3/4 Irish, perhaps I could then spare a few percentage points, but as it stands, I am not and I can not. But here's a four leaf clover! SS~ (Yeah... I made that shit up all by myself.)

    Also, green wine? You're mostly a genius. Pass the box...

    I hope you find your oil change coupons! I have to pay $40 to get mine changed. Forty. Dollars. For stuff that costs like ten. LAME.

  8. Green wine! I love it. We don't care if someone quit following - more us the rest of us!

  9. Who would ever, ever, EVER unfollow you? Sister, I would follow you to the ends of the earth and BEYOND, just so you know. Pay them no mind.

    And your little Prius? Yeah, I'm just sayin that I've been worried about you. They better wave the magic stick at that car and make it all kinds of better.

    And the freaking cable devils? Yeah, I just found out today, as a matter of fact, that they are no longer using their regular lineup and basically I have to pay more money just to be able to continue watching the same shit that I've got currently. UGH. Yeah, to say I'm pissed about it is an understatement. They suck so hard.

    Finally, I love your green wine. I'm T minus 30 minutes from having a green beer.

  10. I just drank some green beer and I feel pretty good about it! It was crazy out -- good thing you stayed in and drank that green wine in PEACE! You know what? That follower doesn't know what he or she is missing so screw em!! We'll have fun here at M&M without them!

    I HATE losing coups. Once I went to walgreens specifically for mascara because it was on sale and I had a coupon, and I get there and forgot my coupon. And don't think I didn't SERIOUSLY consider driving back to my house to get it!

    By the way, I got some super awesome jewelry in the mail today! I'll be stopping by your FB to brag a bit!

  11. Aahhh... BMG and Columbia House... I remember those days.

    Car dealership meat = gross

    I've lost followers too... it hurts, but it's nothing a little wine won't fix!

    Off to see if we have any green food coloring...

  12. This is the first time you've lost a follower?! I lose followers left and right! It's amazing anyone still reads me...

    Oh well. They missed out on the green Chardonney!


  13. psh. they got scared of the green chardonnay.


  14. I'm sorry you lost a follower but the rest of us are still here :-)

    If it makes you feel any better...I learned today the Irish don't (or at least didn't originally) wear green on St.Patrick's Day...they believe it is bad luck...odd huh? Since we think it has magical powers and all...heck, you wear a green shirt to work and your color-blind co-workers still pinch your arm. Weirdos! So, maybe skip the green drinks and your luck with the aforementioned "death trap" will improve!

  15. When you find that cobalt blue mustang, beware. I might be forced to steal it from you the very next day.
    Technology is pretty much the unluckiest thing in the world. I am nearly completely convinced it makes no one's life easier. Except for the fridge where the white wine goes. ;)

  16. you lost a follower?! that's the suckiest out of any of the above.

    but i cried laughing. . literally. its late AND HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT TO HAVE A BOOK. because you make me die. every. time. i miss you and start writing again, you fool.

  17. I like the green wine, a lot. I never would have thought of that. I had one beer, watched Tommy Boy, Chelsea and went to bed. I am a wild one!

    Ugh - my Jeep needs an oil change BAD!!! Thank you for reminding me... only I have no money this week so if you think of it will drop me a reminder soon?


  18. My follower count is always up and down. I wouldn't worry about it too much. The green wine is very pretty! Knowing me I would spill it all over the place and stain my clothes and the carpet. That's just how I roll.


That's it, let it all out....