Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Trapped in the Twilight Zone

Last Tuesday, it rained. All day. Animals in two's were looking for the mother ship and I was watching all of our mulch in the new landscaping wash into the city sewer system. Both were a little depressing so I decided to read. All day. Neal happened to be home that day working and to my shock and awe, he actually worked. I read Twilight. Ahh...Twilight. I swore up, down, and diagonally twice that I would never read this book. I have a friend who lives by the opinion that if a book is popular, she will not bother to read it. When she discoved that she was reading a pre-Oprah's book club copy of Love in the Time of Cholera, I thought she would throw herself from the perfectly good cruise ship we were on. This is how I feel about Twilight. But while on vacation last month, my aunt thrust it into my hands and said, "here, you try. I didn't get past chapter 1." Well, I do love a challenge.

The back jacket of Twilight reads: "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." (And if that ruins the book for you, then..uh..perhaps you shouldn't read the back cover). So I shall add my own list.

After reading this book, about three things I am absolutely positive. First, Bella apparently smells really good to a vampire. Second, Edward must be very beautiful and by beautiful, I don't mean rugged-Bratt-Pitt-fresh-off-a-movie-in-Mexico-beautiful. I mean so beautiful that even when I google "beautiful men" I can find nothing that compares. And third, according to this book, Bella is so clumsy that walking is a miraculous feat for her. (Again, if that ruins the book for you, then you haven't read the first chapter. Even my aunt got that much).

So, I read this 498 page book in one day. I'm not an editor so just assume that either a) there are lots of pictures (which there are not) or b) the sentence structure is something similar to what my 4-year old cousin strings together on a daily basis. I would be offended if this book was on any reading list when I was in high school. In fact, I'm sure that most people would not actually be able to switch to James Joyce after this book. You would have to end the school year with this when everyone's brains are basically applesauce. I do not consider myself a scholarly reader by any means, but I enjoy having to look up words when I'm reading. That didn't happen. Not once. Not even close. And when I finished that book and started reading Devil in the White City about the World's Fair in Chicago in 1893 (which I do HIGHLY recommend), I almost gave myself a migraine with all of the concentration I had to give. Luckily, I'm pretty much back to normal.

Having said that, I am so stupidly hooked on this series that I feel like I can't get the needle out of my arm. No, I did not rush right out and get New Moon, but it is on my list. I refuse to buy it, but if it appears somewhere for free, I will read it. The good news is, all I need is one rainy day to get through it. The bad news? Addictions are nothing but Trouble.

1 comment:

  1. I have the entire Twilight series if you wanna borrow :) Love 'em!


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