Monday, May 11, 2009

Re-counting the Weekend

Ark-building floods: 1
Tanning beds ruined by above flood: 5
Vineyards hit on Saturday: 3
Vineyards hit twice on the same day: 1
Wine clubs joined: 1
Smooth jazz/R&B concerts attended: 1
Amount of PDA witnessed after the general public drinks 2-3 bottles of wine: countless
Hours it took to write this post: 1.5 (so get a glass of wine and get comfy)

Friday started off with a bang...literally. Right in the middle of giving what is literally titled a "RELAXATION" massage, the room illuminated and a crash of lightening that would wake the dead followed. I felt like I should have given her back the $65 and charged God. Then the water came...first flooding Sun Tan City, then Gino's, then us. Apparently, we made out good compared to the front of the shopping center but there was still enough water to fish from a reformer (footnote: Pilates equipment that will make muscles that you didn't know you had hurt).

Saturday proved to be a much better day, both weather-wise and activity-wise. I had arranged a vineyard tour of Central Kentucky's up and coming vineyards for my BFF's birthday. Because there are no rules on your birthday, we were bellied up to the bar at Talon Winery by 11 am. Armed only with Hershey kisses and yummy buttery crackers, we attacked the wine list with fervor and attitude. I believe this was around the time that one of the attendants who was drinking a delicious wine called Bluegrass Blush said "sometimes I'm a little sweet...and sometimes I'm a little nasty." And that was only the beginning. Next was Jean Farris Winery - also known as the tasting room with weird, inappropriate decor. Not as in, nude statues of robust men, but more like "huh? that doesn't even remind me of drinking..." Tuska art is being seen all over Lexington these days and I absolutely salute Seth in his quest to share his father's art. It's at the UK Theater, Mia's Restaurant dowtown, The Massage Center, Pilates Place, and now, apparently, inside the tasting room of Jean Farris. When I see that art, I want to move, not sit on a bar stool and drink gewurztraminer until I start hitting on the bartender. But perhaps that is just me. They were also a little staunchy to be so far out Richmond Road and located in a succession of barns. Starving, a little drunker than we meant to be, and needing to have the corn cob surgically removed from that special place, we headed for Midway. Lunch at Midway was at a "contemporary cuisine" restaurant called Heirloom. I have mad love for the other modern faire restaurant in Midway, The Black Tulip, but they only do dinner. So, there we were, ordering hamburgers that, according to legend, were so enticing that a man drove from Baltimore to Midway to have one, and surrounded by giant paper cut-outs. OK, I'm sure I'm not doing this ANY justice so I will just say that the paper cut-outs were super cool-funky-modern and the burger was just excellent enough for me to drive from Lexington to Midway in the future. And it was about $15/person for lunch and a dessert, which we made the Birthday Girl get in order for her to have a candle to blow out on her birthday (which I unintentionally blew out in an effort to sing "Happy Birthday" very quietly. Who knew I had such a airy light singing voice?)

Lastly, we hit Equus Run. We came, we saw, we got the lightest pours I have ever seen on a vineyard tour (and having been to Cali, I think I can speak to this subject), and got our wine glass. Their biggest concern was not serving under-age drinkers so if you're thinking of flashing your fake ID at their bartender, don't. We were going to stick around for the vineyard tour, but were so utterly unimpressed that we headed out and back to Talon for a $5 concert, featuring Superfecta.

The music was good, lots of R&B covers with a sprinkling of Justin Timberlake (don't ask, it was weird). The food was BBQ and the wine was on sale. The boys (Neal and his BFF) brought back 3 bottles from the tasting room and we burned through those while we people-watched and gossiped about how some people should NOT wear halter tops, under any conditions. But perhaps the most interesting entertainment of the evening fused the train-wreck-I-can't-stop-looking factor with the oh-my-goodness-please-put-your respective-tongues-back-in-your-mouth element. And that is: apparently, when couples consume X amount of alcohol (I realize it varies, the first couple hadn't even downed 1/2 a bottle while the 2nd couple probably rounded out Talon's alcohol sales for the evening), there is some chemical change that causes them to go blind except for the person directly in front of them. As with couple #2, she literally just attacked the first person to cross within her sight of immediate vision...on someone else's car. Couple #1 had probably been dating about 7 days. They were still in the share-the-same-plate-stare-at-each-other-intently-kiss-between-sentences-even-if-swallowing-of-BBQ-hadn't-occurred phase of their relationship. And the woman of couple of #3 simply turned around and thrust her Texas-sized rump up against her man during some "sort of grinding, sort of R&B" song. Children are now blind from seeing that. I think that love is a beautiful thing. I think that dancing is a form of self-expression. I think that mounting your partner on the hood of a stranger's car at a concert held in a field during daylight hours is just WRONG. Nor do I want to catch extended glimpses of your tongue fighting someone else's tongue while I eat cole slaw. All I'm saying is enjoy your wine, dance the night away and for goodness sake, please spare the rest of us from your bedroom antics. I don't need your ideas, I've got plenty of my own, thank you.

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