Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Grooming: Not Just For Bathrooms Anymore

I would LOVE to say that this was an isolated incident. I would LOVE to not be writing this post because the very idea of what I have to say is alarming (and actually really gross). But alas, I have three specific examples and according to the rule of 3, I am obligated to say something.

So....imagine my horror when BFF texts me one day to say that the guy behind her is brushing his teeth...IN HIS CAR. Aside from the obvious questions of "is that safe?" and "where does one spit when brushing one's teeth in the car?"...I must also wonder where he is going that his breath has to be that minty fresh. Although I'm sure the dentist appreciates Colgate over Coffeemate, I think he would consider brushing and driving to be a bit...excessive. Besides, he has a bathroom with a sink and running water specifically for these purposes. And think about it, if you were to wreck while brushing your teeth, would you really want that headline in the Lexington Herald? (And it would be because in these parts, that would be considered news-worthy enough to run in print and on Twitter).

Case Study #2: On my way to Frankfort last week, I looked up in the rear view mirror to see a man cleaning his ears while sitting at a stoplight. And I don't mean a finger stuck in the ear and giving it a gentle twist (although that, too, kind of grosses me out...but everyone gets an itch every now and then). I'm talking Q-tip in hand and making ear-cleaning look like an Olympic sport. Oh Bob, it looks like he's slowing down for the turns, but wait! He is picking up speed as he plunges all the way in. The stamina! The grace! Wax doesn't stand a chance against this defensive line! So, to that man let me say: I am not sure Q-tips are the answer for you. I am not sure how you manage to clean your ears without bleeding from them for a week...but may I suggest a nice ear-candling? You can choose from several relaxing scents, like lavender and sandalwood...and it's generally much safer and more effective than whatever assault you were launching on your unsuspecting tympanic membrane.

Case Study #3 While sitting at the stoplight to turn into my neighborhood, I looked into the rear view mirror only to see a man shaving. OK, no it was not a straight razor a la Barber of Seville, but...odd nonetheless. It was late afternoon and he was turning into a large neighborhood...as in Why yes, Steve...I shave on my way home. It really puts a smile on the Mrs's face. Baby-butt-smooth every afternoon. You should really give it a go. I don't get it. Is 5 o'clock shadow such a problem that it must be confronted and addressed on Nicholasville Road?

As I was discussing this with my mother recently, she confessed to flossing her teeth in the car. This completely stumped me because flossing typically involves both hands, leaving nothing available for that whole 10 and 2 thing. She quickly added that she only did it at stoplights. She has since, however, resigned herself to toothpicks...easy to handle with 2 fingers and can be used for firewood later. I have to make a stand on this issue and I ask that you stand with me....Friends don't let friends groom and drive. It's unsafe, it's inefficient, and it disgusts the person in front of you.

19 comments:

  1. LOLOL! I've seen many a nose pickers, but I haven't witnessed ear cleaning, tooth brushing or shaving. I must admit that I often pluck my eyebrows at stoplights...the light is so awesome outdoors that I can do a better job plucking that pesky unibrow ;o)

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  2. i've seen the full on makeup application happen. eyeliner, mascara, for all i know she whipped out the hair straightener mid shift. what baffles me more than the public grooming in the car problem is how in the hell you made ear cleaning sound intelligent and poetic. you writer you. tympanic membrane? you are a classic, dear.

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  3. I agree! And you know those clear things that make up the top half of your door?? THOSE ARE WINDOWS... yes, we can all see you grooming!

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  4. LOL! Cute post. Just popping over from SITS to give some comment luv for this favourite post link up!

    Let's hope grooming while driving subsides a little over the holidays! :)

    Merry Christmas!

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  5. Picture this, Red light, music blaring, hot hollywoodesque model type behind the wheel of a 7 series BMW. Oh yea, all the makings of a bad Skinemax flick, until the dude goes digging for a boogie the size of a small meteor then wipes it on his leather seats. Seriously dude???? WE CAN SEE YOU!

    Happy Holidays to you and yours! And plenty of SITS love coming your way.

    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
    www.MaWhats4Dinner.com

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  6. And I thought my habit of texting and driving was bad.

    Stopping by from SITS, great site!

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  7. I thought talking on cell phones was distracting. Watching people groom seems to be just as distracting.

    Merry Christmas!

    Stopping by from SITS!

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  8. Maybe people just want an extra 15 minutes of sleep ;)

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  9. Merry Christmas!!! Stopping by from SITS!! This is funny. I seriously doubt that the man shaving while driving was headed "home", he may have been shaving for the Mrs., but more than likely not his.

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  10. merry christmas stoppin by from sits. wonder what these people are thinking??? apparently not saftey. hop you have a fantastic holiday

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  11. Hey lady, saw you on SITs...love your little site subtitle, do you have mint julep for me? sounds so good right now! Merry Christmas to you!

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  12. You'd completely freak out if you saw what I do every day on my morning commute.

    Visiting from SITS!

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  13. I just realized that came out wrong. I don't mean what I do...but what I see others do every morning.

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  14. Stopping by from SITS. I agree completely that grooming should be done at home. Hope you had a very Merry Christmas!

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  15. Hi...I'm visiting from SITS

    Oh yes I have seen men picking their nose, women putting on make up, and I've even seen a couple having sex at 70mph! But the one that made me angry was the lady breastfeeding her baby while she was driving. Now I breast fed all of my children...but they had to wait until the car stopped. Crazy woman!

    I do like to do my eyebrows in the car...not while I am driving of course but like someone above said...the lighting is perfect. Also the seat is comfortable. Turn on the radio and groom away!

    Great blog!

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  16. Hilarious post! I am with the others, too many nose-picking drivers around here. Hello, we can SEE you!!

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  17. I've brushed with those new little brushes while driving to a mom's night out. I can't think of the name of the darn things right now. You don't spit with them, though.

    anyway! stopping in from SITS. Your post made me lol. :)

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  18. Visiting from SITS. Funny post! Happy Holidays!

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  19. Too funny. I am laughing by myself in my office. At least there is no one here to think I am crazy- except for the dog maybe! Ha! Love your blog just found it and became a follower!

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That's it, let it all out....