Grooming: Not Just For Bathrooms Anymore

I would LOVE to say that this was an isolated incident. I would LOVE to not be writing this post because the very idea of what I have to say is alarming (and actually really gross). But alas, I have three specific examples and according to the rule of 3, I am obligated to say something.

So....imagine my horror when BFF texts me one day to say that the guy behind her is brushing his teeth...IN HIS CAR. Aside from the obvious questions of "is that safe?" and "where does one spit when brushing one's teeth in the car?"...I must also wonder where he is going that his breath has to be that minty fresh. Although I'm sure the dentist appreciates Colgate over Coffeemate, I think he would consider brushing and driving to be a bit...excessive. Besides, he has a bathroom with a sink and running water specifically for these purposes. And think about it, if you were to wreck while brushing your teeth, would you really want that headline in the Lexington Herald? (And it would be because in these parts, that would be considered news-worthy enough to run in print and on Twitter).

Case Study #2: On my way to Frankfort last week, I looked up in the rear view mirror to see a man cleaning his ears while sitting at a stoplight. And I don't mean a finger stuck in the ear and giving it a gentle twist (although that, too, kind of grosses me out...but everyone gets an itch every now and then). I'm talking Q-tip in hand and making ear-cleaning look like an Olympic sport. Oh Bob, it looks like he's slowing down for the turns, but wait! He is picking up speed as he plunges all the way in. The stamina! The grace! Wax doesn't stand a chance against this defensive line! So, to that man let me say: I am not sure Q-tips are the answer for you. I am not sure how you manage to clean your ears without bleeding from them for a week...but may I suggest a nice ear-candling? You can choose from several relaxing scents, like lavender and sandalwood...and it's generally much safer and more effective than whatever assault you were launching on your unsuspecting tympanic membrane.

Case Study #3 While sitting at the stoplight to turn into my neighborhood, I looked into the rear view mirror only to see a man shaving. OK, no it was not a straight razor a la Barber of Seville, but...odd nonetheless. It was late afternoon and he was turning into a large neighborhood...as in Why yes, Steve...I shave on my way home. It really puts a smile on the Mrs's face. Baby-butt-smooth every afternoon. You should really give it a go. I don't get it. Is 5 o'clock shadow such a problem that it must be confronted and addressed on Nicholasville Road?

As I was discussing this with my mother recently, she confessed to flossing her teeth in the car. This completely stumped me because flossing typically involves both hands, leaving nothing available for that whole 10 and 2 thing. She quickly added that she only did it at stoplights. She has since, however, resigned herself to toothpicks...easy to handle with 2 fingers and can be used for firewood later. I have to make a stand on this issue and I ask that you stand with me....Friends don't let friends groom and drive. It's unsafe, it's inefficient, and it disgusts the person in front of you.