And I will officially leave the men alone about Kate Beckinsale. We have Mr. Jackman, which totally makes us even. We may even be ahead by a bit..
Monday, May 11, 2009
Re-counting the Weekend
Ark-building floods: 1
Tanning beds ruined by above flood: 5
Vineyards hit on Saturday: 3
Vineyards hit twice on the same day: 1
Wine clubs joined: 1
Smooth jazz/R&B concerts attended: 1
Amount of PDA witnessed after the general public drinks 2-3 bottles of wine: countless
Hours it took to write this post: 1.5 (so get a glass of wine and get comfy)
Friday started off with a bang...literally. Right in the middle of giving what is literally titled a "RELAXATION" massage, the room illuminated and a crash of lightening that would wake the dead followed. I felt like I should have given her back the $65 and charged God. Then the water came...first flooding Sun Tan City, then Gino's, then us. Apparently, we made out good compared to the front of the shopping center but there was still enough water to fish from a reformer (footnote: Pilates equipment that will make muscles that you didn't know you had hurt).
Saturday proved to be a much better day, both weather-wise and activity-wise. I had arranged a vineyard tour of Central Kentucky's up and coming vineyards for my BFF's birthday. Because there are no rules on your birthday, we were bellied up to the bar at Talon Winery by 11 am. Armed only with Hershey kisses and yummy buttery crackers, we attacked the wine list with fervor and attitude. I believe this was around the time that one of the attendants who was drinking a delicious wine called Bluegrass Blush said "sometimes I'm a little sweet...and sometimes I'm a little nasty." And that was only the beginning. Next was Jean Farris Winery - also known as the tasting room with weird, inappropriate decor. Not as in, nude statues of robust men, but more like "huh? that doesn't even remind me of drinking..." Tuska art is being seen all over Lexington these days and I absolutely salute Seth in his quest to share his father's art. It's at the UK Theater, Mia's Restaurant dowtown, The Massage Center, Pilates Place, and now, apparently, inside the tasting room of Jean Farris. When I see that art, I want to move, not sit on a bar stool and drink gewurztraminer until I start hitting on the bartender. But perhaps that is just me. They were also a little staunchy to be so far out Richmond Road and located in a succession of barns. Starving, a little drunker than we meant to be, and needing to have the corn cob surgically removed from that special place, we headed for Midway. Lunch at Midway was at a "contemporary cuisine" restaurant called Heirloom. I have mad love for the other modern faire restaurant in Midway, The Black Tulip, but they only do dinner. So, there we were, ordering hamburgers that, according to legend, were so enticing that a man drove from Baltimore to Midway to have one, and surrounded by giant paper cut-outs. OK, I'm sure I'm not doing this ANY justice so I will just say that the paper cut-outs were super cool-funky-modern and the burger was just excellent enough for me to drive from Lexington to Midway in the future. And it was about $15/person for lunch and a dessert, which we made the Birthday Girl get in order for her to have a candle to blow out on her birthday (which I unintentionally blew out in an effort to sing "Happy Birthday" very quietly. Who knew I had such a airy light singing voice?)
Lastly, we hit Equus Run. We came, we saw, we got the lightest pours I have ever seen on a vineyard tour (and having been to Cali, I think I can speak to this subject), and got our wine glass. Their biggest concern was not serving under-age drinkers so if you're thinking of flashing your fake ID at their bartender, don't. We were going to stick around for the vineyard tour, but were so utterly unimpressed that we headed out and back to Talon for a $5 concert, featuring Superfecta.
The music was good, lots of R&B covers with a sprinkling of Justin Timberlake (don't ask, it was weird). The food was BBQ and the wine was on sale. The boys (Neal and his BFF) brought back 3 bottles from the tasting room and we burned through those while we people-watched and gossiped about how some people should NOT wear halter tops, under any conditions. But perhaps the most interesting entertainment of the evening fused the train-wreck-I-can't-stop-looking factor with the oh-my-goodness-please-put-your respective-tongues-back-in-your-mouth element. And that is: apparently, when couples consume X amount of alcohol (I realize it varies, the first couple hadn't even downed 1/2 a bottle while the 2nd couple probably rounded out Talon's alcohol sales for the evening), there is some chemical change that causes them to go blind except for the person directly in front of them. As with couple #2, she literally just attacked the first person to cross within her sight of immediate vision...on someone else's car. Couple #1 had probably been dating about 7 days. They were still in the share-the-same-plate-stare-at-each-other-intently-kiss-between-sentences-even-if-swallowing-of-BBQ-hadn't-occurred phase of their relationship. And the woman of couple of #3 simply turned around and thrust her Texas-sized rump up against her man during some "sort of grinding, sort of R&B" song. Children are now blind from seeing that. I think that love is a beautiful thing. I think that dancing is a form of self-expression. I think that mounting your partner on the hood of a stranger's car at a concert held in a field during daylight hours is just WRONG. Nor do I want to catch extended glimpses of your tongue fighting someone else's tongue while I eat cole slaw. All I'm saying is enjoy your wine, dance the night away and for goodness sake, please spare the rest of us from your bedroom antics. I don't need your ideas, I've got plenty of my own, thank you.
Tanning beds ruined by above flood: 5
Vineyards hit on Saturday: 3
Vineyards hit twice on the same day: 1
Wine clubs joined: 1
Smooth jazz/R&B concerts attended: 1
Amount of PDA witnessed after the general public drinks 2-3 bottles of wine: countless
Hours it took to write this post: 1.5 (so get a glass of wine and get comfy)
Friday started off with a bang...literally. Right in the middle of giving what is literally titled a "RELAXATION" massage, the room illuminated and a crash of lightening that would wake the dead followed. I felt like I should have given her back the $65 and charged God. Then the water came...first flooding Sun Tan City, then Gino's, then us. Apparently, we made out good compared to the front of the shopping center but there was still enough water to fish from a reformer (footnote: Pilates equipment that will make muscles that you didn't know you had hurt).
Saturday proved to be a much better day, both weather-wise and activity-wise. I had arranged a vineyard tour of Central Kentucky's up and coming vineyards for my BFF's birthday. Because there are no rules on your birthday, we were bellied up to the bar at Talon Winery by 11 am. Armed only with Hershey kisses and yummy buttery crackers, we attacked the wine list with fervor and attitude. I believe this was around the time that one of the attendants who was drinking a delicious wine called Bluegrass Blush said "sometimes I'm a little sweet...and sometimes I'm a little nasty." And that was only the beginning. Next was Jean Farris Winery - also known as the tasting room with weird, inappropriate decor. Not as in, nude statues of robust men, but more like "huh? that doesn't even remind me of drinking..." Tuska art is being seen all over Lexington these days and I absolutely salute Seth in his quest to share his father's art. It's at the UK Theater, Mia's Restaurant dowtown, The Massage Center, Pilates Place, and now, apparently, inside the tasting room of Jean Farris. When I see that art, I want to move, not sit on a bar stool and drink gewurztraminer until I start hitting on the bartender. But perhaps that is just me. They were also a little staunchy to be so far out Richmond Road and located in a succession of barns. Starving, a little drunker than we meant to be, and needing to have the corn cob surgically removed from that special place, we headed for Midway. Lunch at Midway was at a "contemporary cuisine" restaurant called Heirloom. I have mad love for the other modern faire restaurant in Midway, The Black Tulip, but they only do dinner. So, there we were, ordering hamburgers that, according to legend, were so enticing that a man drove from Baltimore to Midway to have one, and surrounded by giant paper cut-outs. OK, I'm sure I'm not doing this ANY justice so I will just say that the paper cut-outs were super cool-funky-modern and the burger was just excellent enough for me to drive from Lexington to Midway in the future. And it was about $15/person for lunch and a dessert, which we made the Birthday Girl get in order for her to have a candle to blow out on her birthday (which I unintentionally blew out in an effort to sing "Happy Birthday" very quietly. Who knew I had such a airy light singing voice?)
Lastly, we hit Equus Run. We came, we saw, we got the lightest pours I have ever seen on a vineyard tour (and having been to Cali, I think I can speak to this subject), and got our wine glass. Their biggest concern was not serving under-age drinkers so if you're thinking of flashing your fake ID at their bartender, don't. We were going to stick around for the vineyard tour, but were so utterly unimpressed that we headed out and back to Talon for a $5 concert, featuring Superfecta.
The music was good, lots of R&B covers with a sprinkling of Justin Timberlake (don't ask, it was weird). The food was BBQ and the wine was on sale. The boys (Neal and his BFF) brought back 3 bottles from the tasting room and we burned through those while we people-watched and gossiped about how some people should NOT wear halter tops, under any conditions. But perhaps the most interesting entertainment of the evening fused the train-wreck-I-can't-stop-looking factor with the oh-my-goodness-please-put-your respective-tongues-back-in-your-mouth element. And that is: apparently, when couples consume X amount of alcohol (I realize it varies, the first couple hadn't even downed 1/2 a bottle while the 2nd couple probably rounded out Talon's alcohol sales for the evening), there is some chemical change that causes them to go blind except for the person directly in front of them. As with couple #2, she literally just attacked the first person to cross within her sight of immediate vision...on someone else's car. Couple #1 had probably been dating about 7 days. They were still in the share-the-same-plate-stare-at-each-other-intently-kiss-between-sentences-even-if-swallowing-of-BBQ-hadn't-occurred phase of their relationship. And the woman of couple of #3 simply turned around and thrust her Texas-sized rump up against her man during some "sort of grinding, sort of R&B" song. Children are now blind from seeing that. I think that love is a beautiful thing. I think that dancing is a form of self-expression. I think that mounting your partner on the hood of a stranger's car at a concert held in a field during daylight hours is just WRONG. Nor do I want to catch extended glimpses of your tongue fighting someone else's tongue while I eat cole slaw. All I'm saying is enjoy your wine, dance the night away and for goodness sake, please spare the rest of us from your bedroom antics. I don't need your ideas, I've got plenty of my own, thank you.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Spaghetti with a Side of Slasher
Neal made dinner tonight...spaghetti, which was actually a nice change from stir fry (or "Mongolian" as he calls it to make me feel like I'm eating all fancy-like). And he was watching Underworld: Evolution. Let me re-phrase that: he was mesmorized by Underworld: Evolution. Why? Maybe it was the rapidly increasing body count. Maybe it was Kate Beckinsale. No, it was definitely Kate Beckinsale...which means he is another victim to her feminine mystique in a black catsuit. Is it because she can pull off jet black hair with blue eyes and a hint of a British accent? Or because she throws a helluva right hook followed by a roundhouse combo? I want to know what makes Kate such a hypnotizing actress. I'll admit, I n0n-sexual crushed on her a bit in Serendipity but I've never fallen under the Beckinsale trance. Neal is just one in a number of men I know who would throw their wife under a bus for the opportunity to touch Ms. Beckinsale. Why is that? Why is she hotter than Jessica Alba or Ashley Judd or Halle Berry? If you're reading this and you're a guy, I would really like to know. Perhaps I can find a bottle of that je ne sais quoi in a flea market somewhere.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
And...
Oh my goodness...how could I forget?? HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!! A regular-sized margarita has 700 calories. Enjoy. ;)
Proud, Crazy, and Sad
Actually, no...these are not the long lost Dwarf triplets...this is the range of emotions from the past weekend. And it all started on Friday, as most good things do. As a massage therapist, I am a member of the Kentucky chapter of the American Massage Therapy Association. During our business meeting and continuing education conference last August, the chapter president suggested we adopt a charity or community service action plan. Someone from the crowd said "what about our veterans?" and then I couldn't keep my mouth shut, of course. I spoke up, perhaps a bit too loudly because suddenly I was the chairwoman of the committee. We have been slow-going, starting with offering discounted massages to anyone with a military ID and attempting to extend outward. As mysterious things happen, I randomly got an email from a deploying soldier's mom asking if we could provide massage at the deployment ceremony. This was the "in" I had been hoping for! Although we only had 2 therapists providing massage, over half of the soldiers took advantage of the opportunity to receive a 20 minute table massage before deploying. Even some of the leadership signed up. I organized the sign-ups and tracked down soldiers when it was their turn so I saw them as they went in and then as they came out. When I say "transformation", I mean "TRANSFORMATION". Most of this unit had never been deployed overseas. They had that I-am-so-frightened-out-of-my-mind-that-I-just-look-really-excited look. When they got off of the table, though, they had the everything-is-going-to-be-OK look and that, boys and girls, is what "fulfillment of your life's purpose" is all about (it is NOT about spreading your seed, as The Jerk would have you believe). My only regret is that I was not one of the ones providing actual massage, but instead had to organize the event. But what I am most proud of is the 2 ladies that took time out of their day to bring their tables over and put a healing touch on these scared, young and courageous men and women. Bravo to you! And Bravo to the 3 units from Maysville, Morehead, and Louisville for doing what you do. May God bless you and keep you safe. We will keep you in our prayers and our thoughts and will look forward to your return.
What makes me crazy is the fact that the newest contestant to be kicked off of Biggest Loser is now offering Bootcamp classes in his backyard. (How's that for a total shift in gears??) So, Fillipe: I think it's awesome that you lost that much weight. I think it's equally as awesome that you lost another 13 pounds on your own. You have inspired many Americans to put down the Lay's, turn off 24 and go for a walk around the neighborhood. And that is freakin fantastic. Now, because you most likely do not have any sort of background in Exercise Science or Kinesiology, I need you to cease and desist. I know that we exercise professionals make it look so easy but it's sort of like watching ER for 6 years and then deaming yourself prepared for surgery. I'm sure you could probably deliver a baby in a pinch, but I would rather you not replace a kidney. Get a little knowledge under your belt (with like real textbooks with real tests about the attachments of muscles and what a proper quadriceps stretch looks like) and then use your passion to motivate even the unmotivated. Although, apparently Jillian pushed a contestant so hard this season that she ended up with a hip stress fracture...at like 25 years old. So, maybe passion without knowledge is OK in the Biggest Loser world...but not when you run with the big boys (or girls).
And lastly....what makes me sad...right now is a time for endings. Not many beginnings are taking place, although there are a few. In the past 4 or 5 days, there have been many endings for much of my family and some friends. And while we always remember that nothing lasts forever, it is always difficult to live through the end of something. What we must try to take into consideration is that the end of something is also usually the beginning of something else. So, we remember what was good, try to learn from the bad and move on. I am staring down my own "ending" and trying to stay calm about the unknown. Remembering that life has a funny way of working out is certainly helping and I hope that it is some words of comfort to those of you who are not comforted by much else these days.
What makes me crazy is the fact that the newest contestant to be kicked off of Biggest Loser is now offering Bootcamp classes in his backyard. (How's that for a total shift in gears??) So, Fillipe: I think it's awesome that you lost that much weight. I think it's equally as awesome that you lost another 13 pounds on your own. You have inspired many Americans to put down the Lay's, turn off 24 and go for a walk around the neighborhood. And that is freakin fantastic. Now, because you most likely do not have any sort of background in Exercise Science or Kinesiology, I need you to cease and desist. I know that we exercise professionals make it look so easy but it's sort of like watching ER for 6 years and then deaming yourself prepared for surgery. I'm sure you could probably deliver a baby in a pinch, but I would rather you not replace a kidney. Get a little knowledge under your belt (with like real textbooks with real tests about the attachments of muscles and what a proper quadriceps stretch looks like) and then use your passion to motivate even the unmotivated. Although, apparently Jillian pushed a contestant so hard this season that she ended up with a hip stress fracture...at like 25 years old. So, maybe passion without knowledge is OK in the Biggest Loser world...but not when you run with the big boys (or girls).
And lastly....what makes me sad...right now is a time for endings. Not many beginnings are taking place, although there are a few. In the past 4 or 5 days, there have been many endings for much of my family and some friends. And while we always remember that nothing lasts forever, it is always difficult to live through the end of something. What we must try to take into consideration is that the end of something is also usually the beginning of something else. So, we remember what was good, try to learn from the bad and move on. I am staring down my own "ending" and trying to stay calm about the unknown. Remembering that life has a funny way of working out is certainly helping and I hope that it is some words of comfort to those of you who are not comforted by much else these days.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Sweet dreams are not really made of this...
My husband doesn't understand why I can sleep 9 hours and still mumble a string of naughty words when he tries to wake me up in the morning. When his head hits the pillow, LITERALLY, he may be lucid for about 4 minutes. Then anything he says cannot be held against him in a court of law. And there he stays until the alarm goes off at 5 or 6 the next morning. I wouldn't say he necessarily springs out of bed but he definitely doesn't hit the snooze button so many times that the letters have begun to rub off. What he doesn't understand is that my nights are VERY busy. I frequently walk from the French Quarter in New Orleans to the open-air market in Savannah. I also swim across bays and drive cattle. These are just 3 examples of what it's been like for me in the past week:
1. I dreamed I was on a cruise with a smattering of sorority sisters. I was drinking a Bloody Mary that was less blood and more Mary and ended up dumping it over the rail of the ship. What woke me up was the sound of the water hitting the carpet when I dumped the cup that always sits next to the bed. I immediately stopped - not because I was pouring water on the carpet but because I didn't want to wake up Neal. And then he commented the next morning "aren't you glad your laptop wasn't sitting there like it always is?" Uh, yes...yes I am.
2. I had a very illicit affair with a friend's husband in the garage of my deceased grandparents' house. Neal knows the details on this dream because I woke up feeling irrationally guilty and did not want to carry that around with me for the rest of my life. And my mom knows but she's a psychologist and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't losing my mind. Anyway, I totally blame this dream on the combination of going to Hustler that evening and reading a late-night email from the friend about her husband. I am almost certain that she doesn't read my blog..she doesn't even have a Facebook profile. So, I feel OK about telling the rest of the world.
3. And to top it off last night, I dreamed that I was at a friend's house and we were taking his pets for a walk. I was in charge of Lola. Lola had a pig's face and body but the fur of a chocolate labradoodle. He was walking Simon. Simon looked like a miniature pony but instead of a tail, he had my parents' teal grean canister vacuum from the late 70's attached to his hind end. Eventually we found a way to disconnect the canister so that only the hose was left dragging.
I have tried everything to keep these nightly escapades from ocurring. I quit watching TV at night altogether for awhile. I quit reading before bed. I tried meditation and listening to Gregorian monk chanting. Nothing helps. So, I simply accept the fact that each evening I will be knee-deep in something until Neal leans over and asks me to stop reciting "If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".
1. I dreamed I was on a cruise with a smattering of sorority sisters. I was drinking a Bloody Mary that was less blood and more Mary and ended up dumping it over the rail of the ship. What woke me up was the sound of the water hitting the carpet when I dumped the cup that always sits next to the bed. I immediately stopped - not because I was pouring water on the carpet but because I didn't want to wake up Neal. And then he commented the next morning "aren't you glad your laptop wasn't sitting there like it always is?" Uh, yes...yes I am.
2. I had a very illicit affair with a friend's husband in the garage of my deceased grandparents' house. Neal knows the details on this dream because I woke up feeling irrationally guilty and did not want to carry that around with me for the rest of my life. And my mom knows but she's a psychologist and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't losing my mind. Anyway, I totally blame this dream on the combination of going to Hustler that evening and reading a late-night email from the friend about her husband. I am almost certain that she doesn't read my blog..she doesn't even have a Facebook profile. So, I feel OK about telling the rest of the world.
3. And to top it off last night, I dreamed that I was at a friend's house and we were taking his pets for a walk. I was in charge of Lola. Lola had a pig's face and body but the fur of a chocolate labradoodle. He was walking Simon. Simon looked like a miniature pony but instead of a tail, he had my parents' teal grean canister vacuum from the late 70's attached to his hind end. Eventually we found a way to disconnect the canister so that only the hose was left dragging.
I have tried everything to keep these nightly escapades from ocurring. I quit watching TV at night altogether for awhile. I quit reading before bed. I tried meditation and listening to Gregorian monk chanting. Nothing helps. So, I simply accept the fact that each evening I will be knee-deep in something until Neal leans over and asks me to stop reciting "If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it".
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