Where Art Intersects With Life: Our Customized Narrative Illustration (a Review)

Last Christmas we received the most unique Christmas card from my friend, Brooke.

I stared at it for a long time, trying to absorb the combination of details, all of which embody Brooke and her family; her husband's tattoos, Brooke's appreciation for a nice glass of red and the color purple, their three furbabies with three very distinct personalities. "I took thorough pictures of my husband's tattoos and the house is perfect, right down to the metal art between the windows," Brooke mentioned. "And Clover barks at the TV. I think that's the big detail that made me cry when I saw it. Like YES! That's my family!"

Then I had a thought. I must have one of these. It was the perfect 50th birthday gift for the man who now owns a Big Green Egg and all the accessories, a complete beer-making kit and a subscription to Audible.

I texted Brooke immediately and she put me in touch with the artist, Jarrett Rutland, a Maryland Institute College of Art graduate and Asheville, North Carolina resident who illustrated the children's book Alligator Wedding

before writing and illustrating 2 children's books of his own: I Love You No Matter What: A Prince Chirpio Story 

 

and Chilly da Vinci (due out December 4th, but you can pre-order here).

Jarrett is also the creator behind Escapist Comix (or click here for non-Facebook folks), home of the Robot Samurai Penguins comic book series. And now he is creating customized narrative illustrations for families worldwide.

I had no idea what to expect regarding Jarrett's process, but Brooke mentioned that he communicates mostly through text messaging and he may friend request me on Facebook so he can develop a sense of our personalities and interests. I readily agreed to the first, I had to think for a minute about the second. Admittedly, my Facebook friend group isn't exactly restricted to the inner circle, but I had reservations about granting access to a complete stranger. Isn't that how Dateline starts? It also gave me pause to think that someone could learn more about me through my Facebook page than from my answers on a questionnaire. But for about 90% of us, this is our truth. We live online and if you are hiring an artist to draw an accurate impression of your family, something that exceeds caricature, you should let him in.

My first text conversation with Jarrett discussed, naturally, his prices. After all, it is a custom piece of artwork by a published artist. How much was this going to set me back? Jarrett charges $260 for a 10"x12.5" piece and $290 for an 11"x15" piece. As anyone with a Business 101 class under their belt will tell you, charge just slightly more for the bigger product and people will almost always veer in that direction. I was already spending $250+...what's another $30? Also, that was still within my This is a big birthday budget. And as I type this post, when I glance at our artwork hanging on the wall, I can't imagine it being anything but what it is, which is perfect.

 But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After I sent a deposit to Jarrett through PayPal (which officially placed our order in his queue), he emailed me a questionnaire. It included fairly basic questions like Describe the members of your family and What are some of your interests? Initially, I was going to surprise Neal with this gift so I was going to answer all of the questions on my own. But as I thought about it hanging in our house, I decided we should do this together. So, one night after Blue went to bed, we sat down with a bottle of wine and a pen and answered each question with excessive (bordering on obnoxious) detail. I wanted to cover all of our bases. Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of our favorite things...

Seriously, it was at least 2 paragraphs for each answer. But I write a blog and no one has ever accused me of being shy, humble, or brief. 

And then I sent a ton of pictures; 20, to be exact. Pictures of our RV and my hair and Blue's bike and Neal's uniform (with close-up pictures of his patches). I sent pictures of my favorite Birkenstock sandals and the Little Free Library Neal built in Leavenworth and my favorite UK hoodie. Jarrett asked for clearer pictures of Blue's Cub Scout hat, which I had to go looking for because it had fallen behind the bookshelf after the last den meeting. And then I asked him to please include our angel baby, but not in an obvious way because I was still not ready to answer a 5 year-old's questions about the son that came before him. I mentioned that Mom and I both have blue butterfly tattoos to symbolize Shepherd's life and that he could use that somewhere in his narrative.

And then I waited.

One morning I got a text. "What do you think?"

I didn't answer right away. I sat down for a minute and just took it all in. It wasn't at all what I was expecting. It was so much better. There we were, perched atop Delicate Arch at Arches National Park, where we had dragged Blue on a 5 AM hike up a rock face so we could see this icon before the Moab heat overwhelmed us. The Big Green Egg was smoking meat below and Blue was feeding the wildife. A beer, a bourbon and our precious butterfly. It was almost perfect.

"I LOVE IT! But, um, can you add our cats? Lulu is the Tortoise Siamese and Poppy is our angel kitty," I asked Jarrett. He answered immediately. "Of course!" I understood how important it is to be happy with the first draft. Everything builds from this and it is sometimes impossible to make changes after the ink is on. I needed to be sure this is what I wanted. Jarrett sent a second proof with both kitties depicted and I was sure...now it was perfect. Time to paint!

Photo courtesy of Break the Mold Photo

Photo courtesy of Break the Mold Photo 

Photo courtesy of Break the Mold Photo 

 

I waited and Jarrett worked. 

I had to do a lot of things to distract me because the anticipation was almost too much. I didn't get any of these updates until after the piece was completed and I mentioned to Jarrett that I would like to write a review for my blog. So, in the meantime, I knitted a triangular washcloth and watched old Mr. Rogers episodes on YouTube with Blue.

Then one morning I got a text. "What do you think?"

Yes. Yes. Holy crap how did you do that? YES!
Although...could you add a little more brown to Lulu's fur...and maybe give my pants a hem? I felt it was risky to even question, considering the paint was already dry, but you never know until you ask. The worst he could say was no, I'm sorry and I was OK with that, too.

Jarrett managed to adjust the hem and he added a little mottling to Lulu's fur. He even added some stars and connected them, forming constellations out of all our previous duty stations. I actually cried.

People may see this piece hanging above our couch and think it's a fun depiction of our family; a unique piece of art that illustrates our appetite for smoked meat, Blue's obsession with animals and my love of reading, but the more subtle details are precisely what make it so special. There is an inside joke (about the squirrel), a big brother keeping watch over baby brother, and dawn breaking behind us, which is exactly how it looked when we rounded the final turn to Delicate Arch. And who could know when we received the completed piece that Blue would be catching lizards in Southern California just 6 months later? This duty station wasn't even on our radar at that time. He has yet to try to feed one baked goods. I think it just hasn't occurred to him.

Of all the things in our house that spark joy, this is at the top. It is our family: a family of 4 with 2 furbabies.

Here is the genius behind Jarrett's talent: this could have easily become a painting that featured us in the middle, surrounded by all of our favorite things. And I sent him a lengthy list of our favorite things. He didn't include all of them. He used about 1/3 of what I sent him, but he chose the perfect 1/3. I couldn't narrow it down, but he could. He didn't include my camera or the RV or our bikes or the map of all the places where we've been. I was picturing a campground scene with us huddled around a fire roasting s'mores, while the lights of the RV glowed from a distance. Obviously, this is nothing like what I imagined. But depicting us lounging on top of Delicate Arch lends a magical quality to the entire piece. We would never realistically sit in this particular spot, but it certainly represents how relaxed we feel in nature, especially in our national parks, and how accomplished we felt after conquering this hike with a 3 year old at 5 AM. It isn't a collage of interests, it's a snapshot of this moment in time. Neal won't always be in the Army, Blue won't always be fascinated by lizards and someday Lulu will cross the rainbow bridge, but right now, this is our life together. It was intended for Neal, but it ended up being a gift to all of us.

Since completing our narrative illustration, Jarrett has finished dozens more, most of which can be seen on his Facebook page under the Customs Album. These are just a few of my favorites from his recent work:

This last one...that sky. Don't you just want to pull up a chair and watch the sunset?

Many thanks to Jarrett for capturing the absolute essence of Team Miller. If you would like your own customized narrative illustration, mention this blog post when you book and get 10% off your order! 

You can email Jarrett at jarrettrutland@gmail.com or message him on his Facebook page. If you are interested in checking out exclusive, behind-the-scenes footage of Jarrett's work, you can subscribe to his Patreon page here. 
 

Wednesday Review: Happy Birthday, Honey. Have Some Flowers

I am not known for my green thumb. I have killed at least 3 pots of basil every year since Neal and I got married. And my best friend finally convinced me to trash the crispy orchid I had forgotten about in the guest room. I've managed to keep one shoot of bamboo from IKEA alive through 2 moves, but I don't know that it's living its best life under my care. I love to look at flowers and, someday, I hope to learn how to keep them alive for more than 3 weeks. Until then, there's the Philadelphia Flower Show.

One of Blue's preschool teachers offered us tickets last year but it always falls around Neal's birthday and by that point, we already had plans. But I had made myself a note so when it rolled around this year, I was ready. Unfortunately, it fell directly on Neal's 50th birthday this year. And if there's one thing he hates more than war, it's crowds of people in a convention hall. So, naturally I bought our tickets and then asked him to "run" into Reading Market Terminal for cheesesteaks afterward. He came back out, cheesesteaks in hands...45 minutes later. Clearly I owe him a do-over for this birthday that involves a deserted brewery in the middle of a Monday and a matinee showing of some historical fiction flick. But we both agreed...this was not your average flower show.

Once you get over the sticker shock of $35/person (with other "experiences" like the butterfly exhibit and preview days costing extra), plus parking in Chinatown, it is easier to appreciate the scale of work that goes into a production of this magnitude. Just the entrance alone felt like being dropped in the middle of the Amazon, complete with bird call sound effects.

The theme this year was Wonders of Water and while some exhibits simply used water to keep the flowers alive in their vases, some of them incorporated full-on waterfalls. But my favorite was this example of reusing rainwater for the garden.

Even the front of this landscape was breathtaking. Not only did the designers work with the theme, but they paid more attention to color than many other exhibitors.

If this was in my backyard, I would probably never leave the house.

One of my other favorites was the interior/exterior display. One side of the partition featured interior rooms (like a study or an office) decorated with plants and flowers. On the opposite side was a series of stoops, much like what you see in the Philadelphia area, landscaped by various groups. One was designed by the Orchid Society while the porch "next door" was constructed by a collection of high school students.

The Orchid Society took a more minimalist approach, but everyone around us stopped to admire the fish-shaped rain chain next to the door. What an unexpected way to move rainwater from the roof to the ground!

The Philadelphia Convention Center is massive and not only did they fit a full-size shipwreck in there

but also multiple landscaped gardens and courtyards,

a life-sized elephant decked out in moss and umbrellas,

several dedicated spaces for individual competitions (like this "fairy garden" area)

and an entire art gallery with works created using pressed flowers and plants.

By this point, we had gotten our $35 worth. On the other side of the convention hall, vendors from all over the country were selling everything from seeds to entire outdoor spaces. We did some window shopping and made some notes for handcrafted goods we want to buy in a few years when we come back and settle down. Just this past year alone I've already added an incredibly fragile piece of art that is about 20 layers of fused glass, plus a vintage clear hobnail punch bowl and platter - all of which will be hand carried 2600 miles to California. (That doesn't include my Derby mint julep glass collection, the hand-painted portrait from our wedding day done by a Kuwaiti artist in 2008 and everything from Blue's birth that is, literally, priceless.) So this exquisite blue heron bell from Old Town Wind Bells?

Will have to wait a few years. But we'll be back for you, my pretty.

At the exit of the flower show was a photo op

(clearly this was non-negotiable as it was a chance for me to finally be the fragile flower I've always felt I was AND it was sponsored by the AARP on Neal's 50th birthday) and...

a place to purchase that Hobbit Hole we've had our eye on. I'm not sure this could ever be more than a place to take a nap in the sun but if we had a few acres of land in the woods, I would just hand over my credit card, no questions asked. I feel like I could write the next great American novel in a place like a hobbit hole. That's obviously the only thing holding me back.

I'm not sure I would make the Philly Flower Show an annual affair, unless I was unconstrained by time or school bus schedule. Their target market, the AARP crowd, had the entire day to stroll down the aisles, stopping often to chat about what they liked, didn't like and would completely re-design. It is not a place that is easily navigable if you need to be in and out in 120 minutes. But we hit the highlights and I'm glad we went. It certainly gave me a new appreciation for the many ways people view flowers and how they should be displayed most creatively. And when we came out, we walked right into Chinatown, which tempted us with its smells and its sale on strawberries. 2 for $1.00 in March? Who has ever heard of such a thing?

The Longest Birthday Card Ever

Today is Neal's birthday. I won't say how old he is because I'm a true southern lady who doesn't believe in unnecessarily revealing a person's age. But here are forty-five reasons why I adore him so.

#45 On the day of our wedding, instead of saying "I do," he said "Sure." He also took a shot of bourbon with his best man before walking down the aisle. He thought both of these were hysterical. Now, 7 years later, I find them pretty funny, too.

#44 He has no idea who Taylor Swift is but he could spot Mitch McConnell from at least 100 yards.

#43 His teeth.

#42 He finds himself much funnier than anyone else does. And that alone cracks me up.

#41 Last weekend, he watched an entire movie with Clive Owen and a baby (which they never stopped to feed or change, by the way) just to see how ridiculous it was going to get.

#40 As long as it's no longer moving, he will eat anything I set in front of him. Even if it has been on fire. Even if it looks like a family of spiders just moved out. Thank you, US Army, for priming the pump.

#39 He treats every idea I have like it's the best one he's ever heard. And then adjusts his schedule/routine/life to make it happen.

#38 He has a clothes hamper. He knows how to use it. Likewise, he has a full working knowledge of the washer and dryer.

#37 He started cleaning the litter box when I was pregnant. He still does it.

#36 For him to make a decision takes anywhere from 5 seconds to a week. He may have researched the Prius for 2 weeks before buying it. We will never be that couple that took 6 months to pick out a dishwasher.

#35 Ally: "Let's watch that 18 hour documentary about the Lewis & Clark Expedition."
        Neal: "Sounds great!"
He completes me. Obviously.

#34 When I mentioned once that a friend's husband was all bent out of shape about some paint colors she had chosen for the living room, his first response was, "why does he even have a say in it?"

#33 He didn't divorce me when I accused him of cheating on me with some skanky whore who left her thong in the back of my wardrobe. He even laughed when we realized it was my cousin's from when she owned the furniture before me.

#32 When he received orders to deploy to Kuwait just 11 months after we were married, he stood in the kitchen with me and cried.

#31 He can whistle all of the ridiculous synthesized songs that Baby Blue's toys play.

#30 He purchased not one, but two, sets of cordless headphones for the TV. Because we're old and deaf and never really learned to read lips.

#29 For the first week of Baby Blue's life, I didn't change a single diaper (for realz, that circumcision is intimidating like a grizzly bear).

#28 If I've had too much to drink at the manager's reception, he talks me out of doing stupid things...like going to a restaurant where the entree prices are fixed at $50+. His theory is that we may as well go to Taco Bell. I won't remember it in the morning anyway. He's absolutely right.

#27 Ally: " I need new jeans/bedding/stand mixer/wine glasses/haircut/career/cell phone/townhouse."
       Neal: "OK."

#26. Three of his favorite musicians are Josh Groban, George Michael and the BeeGees. He worked out on the weight machine in our spare bedroom to the BeeGees once. It was the funniest damn thing I've ever seen.

#25 We talked about purchasing an inscription for Shepherd on the Memorial for the Unborn in my hometown. Come to find out, he went ahead and bought it.

#24 He didn't divorce me when I called the florist that was listed on his Visa bill to find out why a $75 arrangement of flowers had been sent to some lady in Mississippi. As it turns out, he was the "money collector" for the entire unit and they were purchased for the commander after the untimely death of her sister.

#23 He says things like "Well, of course the University of Richmond Spiders are going to have a lame motto. What else can they say? 'We're going to stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp all over you?'"

#22 He takes calculated risks: skydiving with an instructor, flying me to London to meet him face-to-face for the first time, purchasing a townhouse sight unseen after our realtor, mom, and I had all agreed on it, and joining the AGR program although it would mean moving every 3 years. They have all paid off. He would say that he "would rather be lucky than smart." But I think he has the perfect mix of both.

#21 He took his own man-cave furniture to Goodwill when we downsized.

#20 His phone is larger than my entire hand. Shana calls it "the large print edition" and he doesn't mind a bit.

#19 He comes home from war with better habits: drinking coffee (this is a plus in my book because now he can't be all gloom and doom on my bean obsession), shaving his head (when your hairline begins to resemble the IMAX, y'know it's time), and working out consistently. But he believes in PTSD.

#18 When I call, he answers with "hey beautiful." Every. Single. Time. Even though I'm all stretched out and fairly flabby.

#17 He won his war on the squirrels in Georgia. But not until many battles were fought...some of which he lost. And it was all quite entertaining to everyone else. My husband...AKA Drummond Jr.

#16 Ally: "I was thinking...we could have a New Year's Eve party here at the house. And everyone could bring a dish. I could pick up some pimento cheese from the Mousetrap."
       Neal: "Sounds great. I'm surprised you haven't already sent out the invitations."

#15 The key to a happy marriage is double sinks in the bathroom. But when we had to share one in GA, he kept it clean of beard fur, toothpaste droppings, and anything else that falls off of a man in the course of his grooming routine.

#14 He didn't divorce me when I woke him up at 1:30 AM (after he had been asleep for about 4 hours) to capture and kill a palmetto bug that had scurried under the bed. Trapping said bug involved moving the bed, the cedar chest and an enormous stack of laundry. But in the end, he got his man.

#13 Every plan has been examined from all angles...even if it sounds like he just hatched it seconds earlier.

#12 He almost never says "I'm sorry"...but that has translated into me realizing that I say it too often and too quickly.

#11 He remembers the day we got engaged. I know if it's Memorial Day Weekend, we're getting close.

#10 There is a lot of kissing and hugging on Baby Blue. And it makes Baby's eyes light up and huge smiles flash across his face. He feels loved by his daddy every minute of every day. He will never question it.

#9 Previously a dog person, he has learned to embrace (and dare I say...love...) the whiskered babies in our house.

#8 He hasn't divorced me over all the business I give him on my blog.

#7 Three weeks after we lost Shep, he took me camping in the woods, dragged me along miles of trail, gushed over my campfire-toasted pizzas, and told me I should write a book about Kentucky vineyards. It was exactly what I needed and I have no idea how he knew that.

#6 He has financed more girls' trips, bloggers' trips, and pedicures than he probably cares to think about.

#5 The first week we had Baby Blue home, he made me sleep between him and the wall so I wouldn't lie there and watch the monitor all night.

#4 He manages my expectations and understands my need to control. And when the situation calls for it, he calls me out on both.

#3 When he returned from his first deployment, we had been "dating" via email and phone chats for about 4 months. A week after he got home, he bought a his/hers desk from Haverty's and the fanciest coffee pot I've ever seen a non-coffee drinker buy. I knew then that someday we would be married.

#2 And then of course, there's this:

 Right?? This is the first picture I ever saw of Neal. It convinced me to email him that very first time. And they lived happily ever after.

#1 But then there's also this:

(applying knuckle pressure at 3 AM before epidural was ordered)

and this:

and that makes this the easiest list of 45 things that I've ever written.

Happy Birthday, oh captain, my captain. I would follow you anywhere and stand beside you through anything. I'm so glad you chose me to be on your team.

Wrapping' It Up...Puttin' a Bow On It

I am going to shamelessly pick up where I left off last Thursday. I say shamelessly because this whole little Ally and Neal Go West series was supposed to wrap up on Friday. But then someone popped the cork on the champagne and the weekend kicked off and suddenly I found myself at Target buying the crystal lamps I've always wanted (which, in turn, lead to a full-blown spring cleaning and lamp shade buying mission. It can never just be "I'm going to buy a lamp" around here. It always leads to a double-digit to-do list). But Tuesday is the new Friday AND it's Neal's birthday! He joins the many of you who are celebrating birthdays this month and the several of you who were born in 1960-something. So, Happy Birthday Boo-Bear (no, we don't actually call each other that, but I figure it's a nice time to start. And it's much better than Precious Prick, yes?).

Friday morning, over breakfast, we (and by "we" I mean "I" because I get my most inspired and ludicrous (and I can no longer spell ludicrous without spell-check. Thanks a kilo, Ludacris) ideas over an all-meat omelette) decided to hike to the summit of Camelback Mountain. If we finished breakfast by 8 and were on the trail by 8:30, we would easily be done by 10 and showered and checked out by 1:00. Our flight back to Kentuckarctica was not until 3:00. And? It's only 1.2 miles to the summit. Easy cheasy. We do that all the time in the Gorge. Neal was raised near the Gorge. He practically rappelled out of his mama's womb. We might even get back in time to have a second omelette.

Except that it's 1.2 miles up. Yes, yes, it's a summit...what did I expect? A ski lift to meet me at the end of the plateau? No, not really. But I did not expect to be bouldering...up...for a half a mile. So, let me set the scene...we're both wearing our tennis shoes, I'm in a white, cotton, eyelet shirt and he's carrying his Starbucks mug of hotel coffee. We had tourist written across our foreheads and our asses. I hate it when I do that.

The views of Phoenix and Scottsdale were astronomical. And the mountain was crowded with athletes of all kinds who obvi rise with the roosters and run the mountain everyday. We passed one group of guys coming down and then going back up. That's a special kind of crazy that usually results in hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (look, Mama Virgo! I am using that degree!). I'll climb this beast once and call it a day, thankyouverymuch. The pictures don't really do it justice, but I'm happy to give it the ole college try:

See that little building in the bottom of the picture? We didn't even get that far on Day 1...just to give you some perspective (because I'm an artist, yo, and I believe in perspective).

The fence, I get...although I'm not sure it's so much to keep people from falling off the cliff as it is to keep people from climbing the hill in their backyard and hiking around at night (also...crazy. There are wolves and desert creatures). But the railing? Really? Oh. Yes, really. Going up is not so bad since you just kind of lean in and put your glutes into it. But coming down, you either lower yourself down using whatever upper body strength you've gained from carrying the milk and 4 bags of canned goods up 3 flights of stairs or you tuck and roll. All. The. Way. Down. What? It doesn't look far? In 3D, it's far. Allow me to demonstrate:

Yep, that's how you do it. With a sweater thrown over your shoulder and a thermos of water stuck down the back of your pants...not in a pocket, but actually stuck between flesh and your VS. In the end, it was all worth it. Like this kind of worth it:

What? Cotton and wool are the undiscovered wicking material of Olympic athletes' uniforms. Note to self: always pack more than one bra. Always.
Not sure if Camelback Mountain is for you? Perhaps this will inspire:

This is Gino. His owner is a Gabrielle Reese-look-alike who apparently hikes Camelback every morning before she heads off to her job as a Nike model/Denise Austin body double. She informed us that Gino has done Camelback Mountain well over 100 times, usually on his own. But he was recovering from some sort of doggy malaria, so she carried him part of the way on Friday. What I hear when I look at Gino is the Taco Bell dog harassing me with, "You had to stop? To what? Look at the view? This is the view. Stopping is for pussies. But then, you are wearing cotton." Yeah, that's what I hear. Gabrielle calls him her little mountain motivator...I call him more of a man than half of my high school boyfriends. Print this out, tack it to your corkboard. If Gino can do it...

And if you need a visual, this is pretty indicative of the trail, plus a couple of railings (yes, there was more than one. I would say the second one is what separates the girls in Old Navy flip flops from the women in Merrell boots).

There's not so much a trail as there is a path of least resistance. As in life, everyone chooses their own path. I chose the flattest path possible. I'm sure that speaks volumes about my appetite for ambition in this life.

We did not make it back in time for a second omelette. We made it back just in time to shower, eat leftover non-$250 brisket and get to the airport. I couldn't really walk very well for 2 days, but it was well worth the burn and ache. We climbed a mountain. *Cue Diana Ross*

In other news...
Today is Neal's birthday!!! He's at work today because for some reason, birthdays, for him, are synonymous with any day ending in "y"...unlike his wife who celebrates birthday month. This picture was from about 3 years ago, when I decorated his office while he was whisked away to lunch. I have failed miserably in doing anything extreme this year. His wish list was so chock-full of functional items that it just sapped the creative spirit right out of me. But he gets a dinner tonight. And he can drink his white wine from the red wine fish bowls we have, if he so desires. But tomorrow is another day so all festivities will be wrapped up by 9:30. It's a bitch to be born in 1960-something...