Wii Drive Like Maniacs

On Black Friday, as I was preparing myself for the mass hysteria that is Target's toy aisle, something arrived in the mail. Neal had ordered, unbeknownst to me, the steering wheels and game for Mario Kart. I had created a Wii little monster. Well, it was no Guitar Hero, but it could be fun. So, we gave it a whirl last night. And this is the kind of conversation that it produced:

1. Neal, when playing Mario Kart, creates a sort of running commentary to supplement his mad driving skillz. It goes something like this: (and remember that dog food commercial where the hound is sniffing around saying "Bacon, bacon, bacon, BBAACCOONN!!" Keep that as a visual while you read, please.

"Oh, oh, get out of the water! Grab that box! Rocket! Rocket! Roooccckkkkeeetttt.....Don't ink me! You stupid....I can't see! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turrrbbooooo!!! How did I drop to 12th place?? Oh, oh, the bridge! The abyss! Get out of the abyss! Get up on the side! Turbo! Turbo! YES!! Don't you dare hit me! How did I miss ALL of those boxes?? Oh rocket! Rocket!....."

If just reading this makes you tired, then you can understand why I slept so well last night. Wii-Boxing with him is not this exhausting.

2. Neal (as he's looking at LuLu who is sitting on his leg): "Don't you wish you had thumbs so you could play??"

3. Allyson: "I'm in 1st place!! I'm in 1st place!" (This was really exciting because I had spent an hour coming in last..I mean dead last...no cars for me to hit...but that's OK because apparently I would prefer to just run head-on into walls).
"Wait, I'm not in 1st place anymore!! What happened? 2nd? 3rd? 4th? Why am I falling so far behind??"
Neal: "Uh, because you're driving backwards. You're going to need to turn around."
Yes, I finished that round in 12th.

4. And then Neal discovered how to play online against other Wii-racers around the world. Awesome. My total incompetence is about to be revealed to random people around the globe. In case you were wondering, this is my personal hell. It's why I worked out at home before ever joining a gym, why I cook a recipe a dozen times before serving it to someone else, why I make such a good Virgo. And now, I was about to become exposed. The course was beyond difficult, I had chosen the wrong car for the terrain, and I had to run interference between the cat and the Christmas tree...yet, somehow I still came in 10th...not 12th. Someone else out there sucked more than me. Actually 2 someone elses. Not enough to make me do it again, but it did perk me up enough to come from behind on the next race and place 11th. Baby steps, I say.

So, Mario Kart....not as physically active as tennis, but more challenging than bowling (which I can do with my eyes closed while bonging a beer...very similar to actual bowling, really). I give it 2 opposable thumbs-up!