Thursday, December 10, 2009

Who's THAT Beyotch??

First of all...before I get into this post, I have to send out some love to my girl, Foxy, over at The Fox Den. I'm sending hearts, magnolias and mimosas to Foxy because she gave me an award on her blog!! This has never happened to me before and as a direct result, I have sweaty palms and a case of the giggles. I have no idea what happens next, if I'm supposed to bring this award over to my blog or if I just send you over to Foxy's to check it out (which I imagine is what would happen if Chris accidentally left his Grammy over at Rhianna's and now he has to send his friends over to her house if they want to see it...seeing as he can't get it back without a court order, and all). Anyway, if you like my blog, you'll love Foxy's. She has a fantastic sense of fashion, she's very crafty...and my very favorite....she has an Etsy store! You know we Etsy girls have to stick together. It's a jungle of big-box, China-produced, characterless accessories out there! In fact, I've been mulling over this scarf for about 2 weeks now: It is so very much on my Christmas wish list! And her store is called Down With Knit...if you don't get all nostalgic for a certain romantic comedy starting Renee and Ewan, then you are not my people. So, thank you Foxy! May we amuse each other endlessly, even if no one else is amused.

So, I was telling this story to BFF last night after giving her a free 90 minute hot stone massage. (How, you ask, does one get a free 90 minute hot stone massage?? Well, first you have to be BFF with a massage therapist, which she has clearly done. And then said massage therapist must have taken about 4 months off from massage therapy in order to have a life-changing event, and then she must get 2 new clients in the coming week. In order to make sure said massage therapist still has the magic touch, you must offer up your body for experimentation. It can end 1 of 2 ways. Let's just say...these hands are magic.) As I was telling her the story, I realized I hadn't shared it with you. It's short, it's sweet and it perfectly demonstrates the amount of crazy that rolls around in my head on a daily basis...especially where my sweet, innocent, non-professional-athlete of a husband is concerned.

2 bits of background:
1. We have a dry erase board attached to the side of the fridge for grocery lists, notes, etc. I would much prefer to have it on the front, but as it is, we have a stainless steel fridge and apparently the only thing that sticks to the front of it is cat hair. And since I married into the ownership of the fridge, I don't have a lot of room to complain.

2. I really can't stand "normal" Uncle Ben's rice. If given the choice, I would much prefer the rice sold at Asian markets and served in Chinese buffet/Japanese hibachi/Kroger sushi places. So, when I buy rice, that's what I buy. Life is too short to eat crappy rice (in case you're wondering, I feel the same way about oatmeal).

Now that we've got that covered...a couple of months ago, I got a call from someone who needed me to call another number to arrange a delivery. I scribbled the phone number on the dry erase board in the only blank space - next to the grocery list. About 2 days later, as my husband is cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, I'm adding to the grocery list when I see the notation. Instantly, my blood vessels constrict and my vision sharpens. I am prepared for battle.

"Who the HELL is Jasmine Rice and why do you have her phone number??"

After Neal pulled himself up from a collapsed heap of hysterical laughter and wiped the tears that rolled down his burning cheeks, he gently reminded me that I need to call the florist...and pick up some (not "a") jasmine rice at Kroger.

The worst part? It was in my handwriting. You can't even read Neal's. Words like milk look like nllc and corn looks like suln. This was clearly first sign. Nonetheless, here I thought some exotic chick, probably a first cousin to Condoleeza, was moving in on my man. The good news? I quit buying Lucy's eggs.


  1. link help! :)

    ok after the first bracket < http://linkhere > but before the end bracket which looks like: < / a > without spaces. you place the word you wish to link. so... < linkhere > word to be linked < /a >

    get it?

  2. I will have to be less sleepy and more sober, but I will give it a shot tomorrow morning. Thanks helpdesk, AKA Kallay!

  3. ok now my real comment...

    1) Congrats on the award!!! Bring it here! Post it here! AND link to her blog! (!!! <-- just because)

    2) Cool scarf!

    3) Hooray for new clients!

    4) I'm glad you put the golf club down. Your hubby is no Tiger, my dear.


    5) SITS is a blogging community for women. You should join! You get new followers, new comments, new exposure... and all the etsy (not regretsy) you can handle! AND it's FREE!

  4. Too funny! Congrats on your award! I'm sure there will be many more to come. SITS is great, you should look into it!

  5. Hi Allyson! Congrats on your award! Any friend of the Foxy is a friend of mine!

    Thanks for the follow. I gotcha back.

  6. Yay! You're oh-so-deserving!! And it looks like someone needs a cool scarf!! Hmmmmmm...

    Okay, so kallay is absolutely right. You can just right click the award image on my blog and save the image to your computer. Then you can insert the award image to your blog. And pass it on to other bloggers that you can't get enough of. You know, share the LURVE!!

    And the easiest way to do a hyperlink (web address in a word) when you're composing a post: highlight the word(s) you want to link to the website, then go the the toolbar and click what looks like a green circle with a paper clip at the top, then you paste the website address in the box that pops up. Does that make any sense??

    And, lastly, what a freaking riot of a story! Who is this exotic beyotch calling my man!? This Jasmine ho?? I can soooooo see myself doing that kind of thing.

  7. LOL!! OK, now that was just plain ole funny!!!! I'm so glad you can laugh at yourself - it's a great character trait, lol!

  8. PS...I'll teach you how to linky-link up stuff if you will get RID OF the way stoopid word verification thingy!! Deal???

  9. yay!!! i'm so proud of you for figuring out links! lol

  10. congrats on the award!

    i don't mean to just jump into conversation, but i'm on SITS too, and kallay is right. it's definitely a good exposure-getter.

    p.s. i can sorta kinda feel your pain on the jump-to-conclusions-about-your-man-isms. i almost called out this girl who was totally facebook stalking my boyfriend. instead, i confronted my bf about it all hostile and jealous like, "well, wtf?! who is this heiffer???"

    it was his cousin.

  11. Congrats on the new clients!
    It took me a couple minutes to get that sentence out as it is hard to type while hysterically laughing.

    I agree with you on the rice thing though.


That's it, let it all out....