Friday, December 18, 2009

Ode to Neal Part II (sauteed with wine)

Before I start with this second phase of my Neal-praise-a-thon (and for the record, I'm a little surprised that we could all fit in the Prius tonight...meaning me, him, and this ego of his that he's developed in the last 24 hours...but I'm sure he'll do something like drool on my pillow and it will all be over)...but I have to give out some love to Kallay who hooked me up with another award today! In return, I must list 10 things that make me happy (really, Kallay...only 10??) and add links to my 10 favorite blogs (again, only 10??). But I really must finish the husband-doting tonight so first thing tomorrow morning I will formally accept the award and do my best to make you proud. And then I will drink Kahlua-spiked coffee and lie around in my snowflake loungy-lounge pants until noon's Saturday and I used to work every Saturday, all Saturday so I'm celebrating my self-employment (which is often confused with unemployment, most notably by me).

Oh and a little extra lurve out to my mom who picked up the wine tab tonight. Nothing says Merry Christmas like riesling...which is fueling this post. So, judge me if you must on grammatical errors and syntax mis-steps, but I'll know that really you're just resentful. Don't's Christmas.

So, the next 12 reasons why my husband rocks socks and makes life entertaining, if not always easy.
  • You don't laugh at me when I do things like proclaim the garden tub to be busted and then call a plumber who pulls down on the faucet instead of twisting clockwise and TA-DA! There's water! That's after he has taken the whole thing apart and drafted a bill for his hour's worth of labor which is equivalent to an apartment building in Tokyo.
  • You understand that I don't understand things like audio in/output, hard drive space, and binary code. You accept that I would rather discuss scrapbooking layouts as opposed to Google's dashboard approach to privacy. We can always meet somewhere in the middle, usually over Ghiradelli chocolate chip cookies.
  • When I thought that I had accidentally registered as a republican, you did not leave me stranded on the JFK Expressway. I'm glad that one worked out, though. This house is not big enough for 2 cats, an elephant and an ass.
  • You sent me to massage school although I'm pretty sure you knew you'd never be the benefactor of that knowledge. When people bring it up at parties, you just smile and professionally evade the perpetual question: "just how good is she?"
  • When we are distracted by baristas in brown and green and therefore end up running for planes in major airports, you will eventually wait for me (because I am in "cute" shoes, not sprint-through-ATL-with-hot-beverage-sneakers).
  • When I was pregnant, you budgeted $100 per month toward clothing. Only a woman who is expanding in every direction except up can appreciate this.
  • Sometimes I say that I will get up with you and workout at the buttcrack of dawn (AKA roughly 5:30 AM). I am a victim of my own guilty conscience when I agree to this. You get it, you don't hold me to it, and above all you forgive me for it and go on your merry way. I think you realize that 9 AM is my 5:30.
  • I pass out from fear of imminent death on kiddie rollercoasters. You ski black-diamond slopes and sky dive. We've spent a lot of time purposely not dying. I groove on that.
  • You had me at "let's join a wine club."
  • You made room in your house for my piano, my cats, my antique furniture and all of my shoes. And then you let me design my own engagement ring. You are the equivalent of Sam Baldwin, Edward Lewis, Michael Green, and Jack Callaghan all rolled up in one (and even more adorable because you won't know who any of those characters are).
  • In high school, you played the clarinet. That plays no role in our married life or in how you treat me like the lead singer of your rock band, I just think it's with your little pursed lips and heel-ball-toe marching.
  • When you got deployment orders, you cried too. Suddenly, I didn't feel like such an over-emotional hot mess of a wife. I soldiered through a lot of long and lonely nights with that image in my mind.
  • You fill my world with laughter. And that is the best gift of all. Well, that and the tight little ass of yours.
Merry Christmas, handsome! Two years ago this week we were sending you off to the desert. This time last year I was lonely and sad and drinking entirely too little eggnog with my bourbon. I don't know what 2010 holds for us but at least we have each other and that's the only thing we need...And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp.....


  1. I am so glad that you came over to my blog so that I could read yours. I LOVE this!! It was hilarious and sweet all at the same time. I especially love the second one because I have no idea what any of those things are either, but I know Mike would know. :)

    I'm so happy you guys will be together this Christmas! I can't even imagine how tough dealing with a deployment is (any time during the year...not just the holidays). You sound like a wonderful couple!

  2. PS. I love mimosas, so I think we should be friends.

  3. He gave you $100 a month for maternity clothes. Ok, Neil wins. Hands down.

  4. Oh Ally, you make me cry and laugh and then laugh some more. You and your hubs are such a great testament to love and compromise. And hello, $100 for maternity clothes? You are a lucky woman!

    I want to see this engagement ring! I love looking at rings people have designed on their own.

    Plus, you play piano!? I've always wanted to learn how to play. Now I will live life vicariously through you. You're a talented gal!

  5. Love is a magical thing!!!

    Deployments suck. Been there, done that.

    Merry Christmas!

  6. From one Superior Scribbler to another...right on, galfriend!

  7. Oh how quotes from The Jerk light up my life. :)

    Your hubby sounds like such a catch. Laughing really is the best that there is to share. I'd hate to be with someone that didn't make me bust a gut in laughter.


That's it, let it all out....