Dear Larry King,
I heart you. I heart your little matching ties and suspenders. I heart your gray hair greased within an inch of its life with Brylcreem. I even heart the way you sort of look like John McCain with your arms all stuck out to the sides of your impossibly broad shoulders (although since you don't have a war injury, perhaps you should stretch more at the gym). What I do not heart is 3, going on 4, weeks of continuous Michael Jackson coverage on your show. Don Lemon has found other topics worthy of reporting, Anderson Cooper now considers the singer's death an afterthought, even Campbell Brown has moved on. Perhaps it's time that you did, too. And since you seem to be having a hard time covering any other national or world event, it begs the question: How much did you cry over Elvis and Marilyn Monroe's deaths? How has it shaped you into the reporter you are today? I ask this because you seem to be stuck in repeat-mode over the whole drug overdose aspect. If you want to go all Nancy Grace on us and delve head-first into this international problem of celebrities and their addictions because you think you can change the world, that's one thing. But I really think you are just trying to justify the death of idols from your formative years. And we really don't want to be dragged along as you work through that. In case you were unaware, several other newsworthy events have occurred since MJ's death. If you are interested in covering any of them, here's a short list. I'm sure a quick Google search will give you all the info you need to report them intelligently.
1. Apparently Iran had an election that yielded questionable results. There was a lot of rioting in the streets and the youth of Iran have gone to great and dangerous extremes to get their views out via Twitter and Youtube. Perhaps you should give it a listen.
2. Farrah Fawcett died. I'm sure you remember her. Red bathing suit pin-up, fantastic hair, killer smile....
3. A couple of saints were killed in Pensacola. Why anyone would want to kill a couple that adopted 16 kids, most of them special needs, is beyond me. And why it took 7 of them is way beyond me. Maybe you would like to look into it?
4. There's a supreme court justice being grilled...by a former SNL cast member. WHY isn't that at the top of your newscast?
5. The president went to Africa and faced down his slave-past. And he met with some important people and they talked about some important stuff. And apparently he went to Russia, too. Huh.
6. Honduras kicked their president out of the country. Simultaneously, on HGTV, a couple on International Househunters is searching for a vacation home in Honduras. They probably wouldn't be if you had mentioned it...maybe once...or twice...
7. Harry Potter strikes again. No, strike that...I'm tired of hearing about that, too.
8. Sarah Palin taught an important lesson to her young son, Trig...sometimes it's all about being shown the money.
9. That crazy Congress is re-writing our healthcare system. Important? Maybe...
10. And...we still seem to be in a recession. That never gets old.
Good luck with your future broadcasts..but a warning...I will give you exactly one week to get over this. If, when I return from vacation next week, you are still hammering on doctors and former publicists and heaven forbid, LaToya Jackson, you are SO fired. I would rather watch re-runs of M.A.S.H. or Golden Girls.
A faithful viewer....to a point...