Just Add Salt

Well Christmas is over, my muffin-top has expanded, and the credit card is breathing laboriously from the bottom of my tres-chic pink Coach purse (which will make its very own appearance on the blog shortly). We just returned from a Christmas day excursion to Chicago (which got about 14 inches of snow the day after we arrived...fortunately for us, Chicago has mastered the fine art of snow removal. Kentucky? Not so much.) Queen Elizabeth's daughter turned 1 on Christmas Eve so we ventured up for the party. For those of you unfamiliar with the south central and midwest states (and really, who can blame you when CNN only refers to us as the Ohio River Valley? It takes an epic ice storm and the Kentucky Derby to get a proper mention on anything except a local media station...and even then it's not always accurate. Last year, a Weather Channel anchor suggested the UK fans really bundle up in their red for the football game. Um..it's blue...that's why we are called Big Blue Country. It is not a nickname earned from excessive in-breeding...although...)....where the hell was I?? Oh right...for those of you unfamiliar, it is exactly a 7-hour drive from our house to Queen Elizabeth's in the northwest suburbs. That's 7 hours without being complicated by snow, ice, construction or garden-variety idiots with driver's licenses from Santa. So, sometimes it takes 8 and sometimes it takes 10. Never less than 7, though. Weather-folk all over were predicting a major storm for the midwest states, set to settle in around 5 pm on Christmas Day. So, we left early enough to be cozied in, wine glass in hand by 5 pm. For the most part, we were. Fearing a cataclysmic weather event, we opted to take Peter the Pathfinder as opposed to Patsy the Prius. Just as you would assume, Peter is more brawny and aggressive than his sister, the delicate and quiet Patsy. Patsy is so quiet that sometimes she's mistaken for a golf cart. But when you only have to feed her once every 2 weeks or so, you tend to forgive her meekness. Patsy, though, was not woman enough for the job. Peter, on the other hand, has 4WD, loads of testosterone, and the need to prove himself. Perfect for the fight that Chicago was planning to pick. Unfortunately, like any other aging boy, Peter needs to be fed more often...which means we have to stop more (sometimes in God-forbidden places...like Gary, Indiana). But we arrived in about 7 1/2 hours. The snow started about 2 hours later. And it snowed. And snowed. And froze. And snowed some more.

The party for Princess Mary was planned for 4:30 on the 26th. By 4:30, Queen Elizabeth's husband, King George, had snow-plowed the driveway 3 times and the sidewalk twice. But their sucker-neighbor across the street had only managed to shovel his driveway once. PSA: if you are going to move to the North Pole, equip yourself appropriately. Do not waste your time on the Home Depot special...buy yourself something that runs on gas and will do the job with the effort equivalent to getting a beer from the fridge. By 7, it had snowed over a foot and I was drenched in wine with a dusting of rum punch. By midnight, I was ready for a bed, a Snuggie, and a very tall drink of water. Happy Birthday to Princess Mary...now give me a soft place to pass out.

Sunday brought excellent shopping at The Container Store, Ikea (and in that order. All budget-savy shoppers know that you collect your ideas from the first and purchase from the second. Otherwise, you waste a lot of money that could have gone towards other necessities like sweater-boots...or milk), HomeGoods (which gets a post all of its own because we met Captain Crazy and his elfin family here), and Swoozies. By the way, if you're a girlie-girl (read: totally digs on pink, polka-dots, and snarky sayings) you need to check this last one out. I am the new proud owner of 6 Merry Christmas Y'all plastic cups. What else does one need in life?? And it brought more snow. And freezing temperatures. And lots and lots of salt. I only fit into about 4 pairs of jeans, post-baby, and so that means that sometimes I wear the same pair for several days. My new love? White House Black Market jeans that have been clearanced. I have one pair. I wore them 4 days. Coupled with body stank and street salt, they now walk on their own. I knew this day would come. They skipped crawling altogether. By the time we left yesterday, the entire hem was lined with salt. That's only sexy if you paid an extra $85 for that look. Otherwise it just looks like you need a laundry mat. So, we're home sweet home now and while I miss the Royalty, I do not miss the snow. Or the salt. And speaking of which....

I got this FANTASTIC award from Salt Says before Christmas. I have been extremely lazy in picking it up, but sometimes mulled wine and Wii and eggnog cookies just have to take priority. If you aren't familiar with Salt, I suggest you go visit her. She's getting married in less than 2 months (breathe, Salt, BREATHE) and she has the most precious fur-babies ever. And she's familiar with snow. I have received so many awards in the past couple months and although they are mixing and mingling very well, one is passed out on the couch, one is doing experiments with pickle juice and cat urine and the other two are naked in my bed. It's time to pass them on...which I will do very soon.

I hope everyone had a happy and safe Christmas. I love wine..but I love my DD even more!! And if anyone wants to leave a killer fondue recipe in the comments section, I would be excessively appreciative. The Miller New Year's Eve party is T-48 hours!