Remember in elementary school when, at the very end of the school year after the books were turned back in and everyone's brains were collectively vacationing at Disney World, the class had Field Day? Field Day was supposed to be a day to play games, eat hotdogs, and run fast and loose with school rules. There were "events" and "ribbons" and Elementary-School-Allyson crying in the bathroom because her fat ass couldn't sprint unless it was on fire. I hated Field Day. To this day, when someone says "It was a field day out there!", I picture a battlefield strewn with the bodies of the slow, awkward, and unathletic (yes, that's a word. I just googled it), while the gold medalists load the buses with smug looks and that unmistakable Field Day tan. Anyway, I went home with ribbons in colors like yellow and green and pink. Those are not Olympic colors. They are "thanks for playing...here's a ribbon so you don't have to explain this to your therapist in 10 years colors." My point? I have no idea where those ribbons are now (although if I had to venture a guess, I would say they're in my Virgo-Mother's plastic storage bin marked "Allyson" and I will get them back when she moves or dies, whichever comes first), but it really doesn't matter because now I get awards. Blog awards, to be precise. Which I love like Paris Hilton loves a party with coke. No, I cannot run and then hurl my fragile, German frame into a strip of sand hoping to slide past the 6 foot mark (nor do I want to. Sand burn is not a good look for me), but I can write like a mo-fo and these just go to prove it. So, to all of the Field Day blue ribbon winners: munch on that! Yo mama so fat...oh wait...sorry...ahem...
Anyway, I would like to thank everyone for the awards I've received since October. I am terribly sorry for taking so long to pass them back out. Life is hard, with 2 cats in the yard...
And these awards all have rules but for the life of me, I can't remember what they are so..sorry about that. It's a 2010 resolution to be more prompt in handing out awards, along with not drinking so much bottom-shelf liquor. Perhaps they go hand-in-hand...
My first award was from Foxy. Please go check her out, if only for the post before the most recent one about unassuming board games using sex toys for game pieces. If you don't love her after that, you are not my people.
I'm handing this one off to Sarah @ The Anti-Journalist. If you're not sure she's worthy, simply read her post about the janitor. That, my friends, is what beautiful prose looks like.
My next award came from Surferwife, who loves all things Chelsea Handler and just started a new blog about her triathlon training. Read her first blog to be thoroughly amused by famous people she's run into, read her second to get inspired to run 5 miles after a 2-year hiatus (and consequently curse her when you can't stand up from the toilet).
I'm passing this on to Nathanael @ This is How it Feels because truly, he is fabulous. I love his bitchy rants and his fashion sense. And he just decorated his new apartment with Ikea furniture. What says fabulous more than Swedish furniture? I'm also awarding it to Queenie Jeannie @ Jeannie's Happy World because what's fabulous is her posting a video clip of her husband Wii-dancing. A full 3 minutes of her husband's backside as he jiggles, wiggles and does the "surfer" move. That, boys and girls, is fabulous.
Next up is the one I got from Salt Says. I truly love this award because I do indeed kick ass. Just ask my fan club. Go visit Salt and give her some bride-to-be love. As a former destination-bride, I can tell you that the last 60 days are maddening. What time is the sun going to set? Do the guests have the right directions? What happens if the officiant we chose from an online directory has a mole?? I mean, a moooooole. She needs all the love you can give her right now.
This one goes to Kallay @ Kallaydoscope who has just successfully switched over to Wordpress and now has a Coffeetalk tab, thus demonstrating her awesomeness. She cooks, she uses a new word everyday (like having a "constitutional"...who knew it didn't just mean "being regular in the bathroom"?), and when it comes to decorating for Christmas, she makes Martha Stewart look like a 4th grader with a glue gun and safety scissors.
And the last 3 are new awards that I've just recently acquired. First up was from Sarah @ The Anti-Journalist. I'm not sure about the meaning of this award...I mean...I like lemons and lemonade and especially Jack Daniels Lemonade, but I don't think that's the point. According to Sarah, I'm supposed to award this to 10 bloggers. And the next award is supposed to go to 15 bloggers. And that's all well and good but people, it's 20 till 12:00 and if I don't do something today other than blog, Neal will spit venom into his dinner (AKA cereal at this rate). So, I'm bending the rules a little. But I also direct your attention to my blogroll...which is full of reading-goodness. I don't follow anyone that isn't 100% fan-freakin-tastic.
This one goes to Cindy @ Consider the Lilies and Brooke @ From Bluegrass to Grass Skirts. I can't think of any 2 Kentucky girls I'd rather have lemonade with...or Jack Lemonade. Cindy has Obe Wan on her side and Brooke just survived a flight with The Craziest Woman EVER. They totally deserve this!!
Now, Salt has taken it up on herself to create a Chuck Norris award, which I got all green-monstered over when I saw it on someone else's blog. But then she gave it to me, too, and now we're BFF again. The only rule: you have to list your favorite Chuck Norris-ism (which is embarrassingly easy for me). Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
This must simply go to Vodka Logic (because she Chuck Norris'd snow all over some rebel teenagers this week), Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic (because Chuck Norris CAN make the rolltide roll!), and Surferwife (because to Chuck Norris, a triathlon is Pain, Pain, and Pain).
Last, but certainly not least is this beautiful award from Vodka Logic. It's supposed to go to fifteen (I spelled it out just so the italics can emphasize the enormity of it all) new bloggers. Well..I'm only going to award it to 5 and they are not necessarily even new to me, but they are most deserving.
I award this to Foxy @ The Fox Den (because she needs something to make her blog PG again, with all of the butt plug posting and Team Edward tongue), DG @ Diary of a Mad Bathroom (because she legitimately IS new to me and I'm loving every minute of it), Shandal @ My Life in 3D (because with a husband who finds himself in lock-up after getting rowdy at a football game, what this girl needs is a teacup full of pink roses. Plus she has 2 ridiculously adorable children), Lauren @ Salt Says (because that girl is under-read, under-appreciated and can do weird pretzel-like things with her body), and finally to Nahl @ Bonfire of the Impassive (because she is a Pakistani woman who somehow found me and now I find myself anxiously awaiting each new post. Do you know how random that is...a Pakistani woman and an Army wife to be bloggy friends? What would we have ever done if Dan Quayle hadn't invented the internet??)
OK...now I absolutely MUST go do something that does not involve a laptop, a Snuggie, and espresso. Like my taxes. Or run my business. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...I own a business.