Friday, January 15, 2010

She's a Southern Doodle Dandy

Not to be confused with the Yankee Doodle Dandies, who are known for sticking feathers in their caps. We southern girls like to reserve our feathers for more useful purposes...like masquerade balls or Thanksgiving table decorations or a rousing game of "Hide the Feather". And on occasion, we have been known to torment an unsuspecting banister with pheasant feathers.

Queenie Jeanine is official. She has taxation with representation. What a gift that is...because taxation without representation can make a person very cantankerous...just ask anyone living in D.C. Besides, it's all very British and now that she's renounced Queen and country, she can quit those pesky United Kingdom habits...like muttering God save the Queen and drinking tea all day. Although, to be quite honest, I make a dreadful colonist...seeing as I prefer Wellies to Uggs and sometimes Oh bloody hell slides right off my tongue. But give me tea instead of coffee and I will punch you in the neck.

The drive down was rather uneventful...except that it took 15 hours to make a 12 hour drive. Apparently, Army Dad and Suzie Stepmom like to stop for breakfast after about 3 hours on the road. And when I say stop for breakfast, I don't mean drive through McDonald's for a slab of heart failure between 2 slices of obesity. I mean, they like to stop, go in, sit down, and order...like with a waitress and a pot of coffee. And that's only 3 hours into the drive. Do you know what I'm doing 3 hours into a 12-hour drive? Fishing out a bag of grapes and a Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper as I eat with one hand and steer with the other. Sometimes I will stop to pee. Sometimes I play the game of can-I-hold-it-until-the-next-state-line? Usually I can. Usually. But I got a completely free trip to Florida...free of gas expenses, free of food expenses, and free of driving responsibilities, so a girl really can't complain. But I can blog...

The ceremony was held in the local college auditorium, with a stage for the Immigration officers to speak from and an aisle in the front for the new citizens to walk across and receive their certificates. Personally, I think Queenie got a tad screwed on this. I mean, if you've paid thousands of dollars to an immigration attorney, kept every utility bill for five years, and taken the citizenship test 3 times because, even though you passed with 100%'s you still get denied for some other ridiculous reason, don't you deserve to walk across the stage?? But you know the government...stages are reserved for important people, aisles are for the commoners. They did manage to squeeze all things American into 30 minutes...the Pledge of Allegiance, the Star-Spangled Banner, Lee Greenwood's God Bless the U.S.A. (which I detest simply because he says "I ain't." If you're going to write a song that will be played a blue million times after this country gets bombed, can you at least use proper English? It doesn't have to be the Queen's English, but it should use words that are found in the dictionary...), and the full history of how our national anthem came to be (which I knew already, thank you audio tour of Fort McHenry in Baltimore). After all of that, I was ready to become an American citizen. Again.

Queenie's new shiny citizenship comes with a perk: her 2 daughters, Sleeping Booty and Repunzerella receive their citizenship papers automatically. So, when we busted out the chocolate ice cream cake, all decked out in red, white, and blue, that Queenie's husband, King of the Scots, had purchased, we stuck candles on the top and Sleeping Booty began singing "Happy birthday to myself, Happy birthday to myself...." She's five. And she hasn't mastered that "r" sound yet so it comes out sounding like "Happy booiuerthday to myself..."

It was such a short trip that we only swigged one pitcher of mojitos and made three necklaces. No scrapbooking. No organizing (she needs it and I dig it. She is the yin to my yang). And, unfortunately, no Hobby Lobby raids. But I did get to finish a book while she was at work on Monday...Revenge of the Innocents which is all about child abuse and the LAPD. I don't recommend it. Unless you have to read it for your social work classes or you want to have seriously disturbing dreams. And I got to pillage Queenie's craft closet for anything I could use and she could part with.

So, here are a few pics from the trip. And then it's back to the business of reading blogs (I hope you all don't mind if I don't exactly get "caught up" on all you've blogged about since Saturday. I do have other projects today...like finding clean underwear and getting the house ready for the New Year's Eve 2009 Do-Over Party. But I promise it's my last absence until I convince Neal to book us a hotel somewhere warm with umbrella drinks and palm trees). And I also want to divert your attention over to The Scholastic Scribe, who has posted websites for legitimate charities accepting donations for Haiti. I encourage everyone to do something. And wonder of wonders, you can now text your donations, even if you don't have a text plan. Cellphone providers are waiving their text fees for all donations...except for Sprint, who said "standard text messaging rates will still apply."

Dear Sprint,
There's a special spot in Hell for you.

Love,
Those Who Give a Rat's Ass About Something Other Than the Bottom Line.


This is a disaster of colossal proportions and we each must do anything we can to ease the burden for the people of Haiti. Anything. Except board a plane bound for Haiti because apparently that's something they don't need right now. But anything else.

And in answer to several of you faithful readers who have asked me to link up my email address to my blog, here's the problem, yo....my blog is linked to an email address that I no longer use regularly and thus, have forgotten my password. Not to mention the fact that I have 3 other email accounts that I must check regularly. I have tried to edit my blog settings so that it will accept one of these 3 email accounts but it is denying the edit. If you have a fix, I am all ears (and one very cute butt, thank you Couch to 5K app). Otherwise, I will just have to email you with my personal email on a case-by-case basis.
Sorry,
The Management

And now...the God Bless America slideshow....
The blonde head is my sister's. That's what my hair used to look like. Before the red and the black and the highlights and lowlights. Ahh..those were the days. This is the taking-of-the-oath.

Her first steps as an American. See that lovely necklace she's wearing? Yes, that's a Daisy & Elm original. It only took us about an hour and a 1/2 pitcher of mojitos to pick out this outfit.

Since Uncle Sam had to work all week, Aunt Samantha made a stop over to congratulate Queenie on her new status. Yes, we actually own this outfit. Apparently, if I had worn it to the swearing-in ceremony, I could have made a small fortune from photo ops. I'll know for next time. Silly me...I thought it would come across as mocking and the one group I do not want to mock is the U.S. government...at least blatantly, anyway.

And now for our late-night creations...

And in other news...it has been brought to my attention (via a challenge by my uber-competitive husband) that technically a blog post is only supposed to be 500 words. I'm pretty sure I blow right through that limit everyday. So, to prove that I can be less wordy, more succinct and still quite witty, I'm going to do a word count and only post when I'm under 500 words. I'm not sure what 500 words look like...but I fear it will be just about the time that I really get going. Oh bloody hell....

16 comments:

  1. Ew! 500 words? I don't think I can manage that!

    Also... GORGEOUS necklaces dear! My birthday is coming up. Those are totally going on the wish list!

    And thank God I'm not the only one who can't possibly use the A word. I think the A word is worse than fuck. It makes me cringe.

    SO glad you're back darlin'! Good luck with the great underwear search party!

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  2. I LOVE that 2nd necklace. Adorable :)

    Welcome back!

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  3. 500 words? That's a bunch of crap. I never liked to follow rules anyway.
    BEAUTIFUL necklaces as usual! I need to get my shop on in your Etsy before my trip.

    We have an Uncle Sam getup at work that we used for a promotion one time. But the marketing girl bought the skanktastic version so instead of pants, it has little, red, totally inappropriate in a work environment booty shorts. Luckily I wasn't the one that had to wear it.

    CONGRATS QUEENIE!!!

    We are so glad you are back, BTW! (Well I am glad. I'm sure everyone else is too!)

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  4. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS TO QJ!!

    Second, love your letter to Sprint. Those freaking bastards.

    Third, I got your problem with email link-up and do not have any suggestions for you. Wish I did though... dang it!

    Next, those necklaces are AWESOME. Oh, how I wish we could bead, craft and drink together. I just know we'd have fun and inspire the crap out of each other. Or maybe just you'd inspire me, but I'd be okay with that.

    Last, I just don't see how in the world you'd be able to get a good post in under 500 words. I'm pretty sure even some of your comments are over 500 words... which is just to say that the challenge is ON. Good luck on that, but my bet is that Neil will win. You're extra wordy, my dear, but in a really good, tangent-y kind of way. And we love that about you. :)

    Glad you're back...

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  5. Congratulations to Queenie.

    Trip sounds a bit... interesting.

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  6. The necklaces are beautiful and Congrats to Queenie!!!

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  7. P.S. I had to pass a citizenship test to graduate high school but for the life of me I can't remember half of the info that was on it - thankfully I was born in the US and I hopefully won't have to worry about cramming for this anytime soon.

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  8. Hahah you're soo funny. I love the necklaces-they're soo pretty. And congrats once again to your sister! I totally agree that a song with words like "ain't" should be scratched off the face of this earth..slang gets a bit too much on the national level.
    ALTHOUGH, how can you not like tea?! It's my drug. I need to have atleast three cups a day.
    xx

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  9. You're BACK! Sorry the trip flew by for you but I am selfishly happy to have you back again. Congrats to QJ and her family again!

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  10. She looks wicked American! Now, tell her to start eating McDonald's for every meal and then to sue them 10 years later.

    That is also very American.

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  11. Love the necklaces. Also the niecenames, Sleeping Booty and Repunzerella. Made me laugh out loud.

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  12. Congratulations to your sister! Boo hiss to Sprint. And the credit card companies only yesterday bowed to pressure to waive transaction fees of almost 3% on every donation made via credit card for Haiti relief. They were perfectly happy to collect on all that misery if they hadn't been called on it and made public.

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  13. Shoot, no one ever told me about the 500 word rule...

    You guys do beautiful mojito-inspired work!

    Though I'm not one who asked, I have wondered about the email thing - on more than one occasion I have written kick-ass responses to you, only to realize they weren't going anywhere... thanks for clearing it up (or at least explaining it...)

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  14. There's ANOTHER Queenie??? Hmmmm.....

    Love the necklaces, especially the middle one. It's soooo fabulous!

    I think the hubbs is sadly mistaken about the length of blog posts. He isn't even a blogger and I've been one for nearly three years, lol!!!

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  15. Where do you come up with half the things you say!??!?!??!?! i am confident enough to award you my VIRTUAL BFF AWARD. I do not know what that means, and no, it doesn't have rules or a button. but be flattered.

    and you should do a GIVEAWAY with your jewelry! it's beauuutiful!

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That's it, let it all out....